Letter To Dad and Stepmom

Over the years I have felt your disapproval. You have impressed upon me that I should own my mistakes and take personal responsibility. The problem I have with this is that many of my actions as an adult are a direct result of childhood wounds that I have tried to shoulder alone. I never wanted you to feel that weight I carry. I have not been able to place the responsibility on the true responsible party. As a child, I should have never been blamed for all my shortcomings as a human being. I believe a child cannot be fully accountable for their bad behavior. Environment, parenting and nature versus nature plays a huge part in the person I had become. By the grace of God, I have done everything in my power to overcome my wounds. Now forgiving and forgetting, as Jesus does has been my mantra. Forgetting has been the hardest. No matter how much I try to do this, I am sometimes incapable of this. Playing a blame game is not what I am trying to achieve here. I am simply attempting to make peace in my life. The secrets I have kept have been a source of obloquy for most my life. These things I cannot tell you because I don't want you to feel the pain of my hurts. Just know I have tried to protect you, as I felt that I wasn't protected enough many times. There are serious issues I cannot bear to voice. Carrying around this yoke has been exhausting. I will take many things to my grave. Please know daddy, all my actions have not been all my fault. I was a child once, a very broken one at that. I have acted out and been passive aggressive in way to many instances. I tell this confusing information now, not to make up excuses, but to repair our relationship. I need your forgiveness, but possibly unbeknownst to you, you need mine too. I love you unconditionally and miss having my daddy in my life.