Letter From Israel

Dear God,
Why am I like this? 
I look back.
I look back at Egypt.
Looking back feeds my ego.
Lots wife and I carry no Comparison.
I don’t miss Egypt.
I look back just to see if Egypt is falling away. 
Does Egypt see me? 
See me here in the Land of milk and honey? 
Too embarrassed to say that I have yet to discover that very milk and honey. 
Too embarrassed to admit that after my exodus I have to make another grand escape. 
Yet this escape would now be within.
I wonder if Egypt is miserable? 
But so am I. 
At least Egypt offered stability at the cost of slavery. 
Now that Im free stability isn’t. 
It cost. 
It requires much. 
The price is what I can’t afford as of right now. 
The price tag says;
“Self discipline, consistency,drive,patience,long suffering, endurance, healing, death.”
Death? 
A price I thought I paid in Egypt. 
I just wish I could burn the entire existence of Egypt out my mind. 
But without it, there would be no me now. 
Does Egypt regret mistreating me? 
Does the abuse relapse in their mind? 
What if Egypt has forgotten about me and it’s my soul that is still enslaved? 
I don’t miss Egypt. 
Just part of me wishes Egypt would say…admit that if they could turn back the time to make things right they would.
To finally give me the chance to tell them “if going back to Egypt was wrong I would gladly choose to be right.” 
If I had the power to turn back time I simply wouldn’t. 
I may not be exactly where I want to be but being away from you is all I ever wanted. 
All the pain may have almost driven me to an early grave but here I stand in between this parted sea.
That the God of Israel separated just for me.
This is my exodus. 
And as I walk through this Red Sea,
I’ll look back just to see the waves of this ocean, crush you in and bring you to a sink.
I’ll look back with a smile.
To reassure God that he did the right thing. 
Yes this wilderness is killing.
It’s killing the you that was inside of me.
The fire burns but it’s refining.
Staying or leaving both have an extreme price to pay.
However, leaving has given me the better opportunity to be everything God has called for me to be.
Not perfect but his love makes me whole. 
And now from Egypt I call fourth all of my soul.

Copyright © Krystin Douglas | Year Posted 2024

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