Left to my Devices!
Left to My Devices
Here I sit. You are gone—oh, the trouble there will be!
Your invite was a special one that didn't include me!
I get the notion, the evening off, a quiet thing for you,
But was leaving me unsupervised a clever thing to do?
I might watch a film, or try to cook, or cause a lot of stress,
I'm like a toddler hopped on sugar, completely leaderless!
I think I'll make some scrambled eggs for supper in a pan,
But somehow I have burned the water—I'm a lethal cooking hand!
Perhaps it was the bass turned up as I danced around the room,
When FedEx dropped a package off and interrupted with a boom!
If you were home, you'd hide away and lock the doors, I suppose,
But I fling it open to the wind, half-naked to my toes!
I'm glad you're not home to see this disaster; the kitchen is a mess!
The driver is calling for backup to salvage this address.
The smoke alarms scream, the dirty engine parts are soaking in the sink...
I'm moving way too fast and haven't got a single second to think!
A quick check of the clock—oh God, you'll be home by nine!
I sweep the flaming eggs beneath the rug and pray the floor is fine.
The frying pan is melted through (alas, your favorite one)...
Guess I'll have to bribe you later with a massive shopping run!
But we had some fun while you were gone, of this there is no doubt!
I've paid the traumatized delivery man so word will not get out.
I guess we're cool, 'cause he choked down those eggs to show me who is boss,
And washed away the memory with a pint of hot Tabasco sauce!
The apocalyptic nature of my many household crises,
Is exactly why I'm never left to my own devices!
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