Learn To Love Myself

Depression by my side, anxiety is there too I speak on subjects that most people are scared to I won't apologize for speaking on the pain that I've felt I'm just learning to love myself It all started on March 2nd 1992 the day I was born Was the storm in my way? Or did I get in the way of the storm? Parents chose drink over me, so from a young age I felt rejection Social services made me a file, but neglected me for 3 years, so I would play up in school lessons At Age 3 social services were told about me in the first place But at age 7 they finally took me into care after forgetting they made me a case Crying in the corner while my parents were drunk, shouting and smashing plates Parents didn't have any food for me, so I was in a bad state Placed with a foster family, that didn't really end well So closed and shut off, when anything was wrong I wouldn't tell They forced me to sleep outside because I wouldn't eat my dinner So even in the summer, it felt like a cold winter I was moved around 27 foster families between 7 & 11, always feeling alone Then at age 11 I got moved into a children's home Spent most of my days in my room listening to Eminem at full volume Inside I was broken, but a fake smile was my most worn costume 5 days before my 15th birthday my so called "Dad" died I didn't even feel a loss, most people would be sad inside He was never there, but while most kids crave presents from a dad, I craved my dad's presence It was around 15 I started to self-harm to cope with depression Going to school in long sleeved jumpers Hiding my scars, so I was extra hot in summer Started to rhyme words, and I'd make my pad bleed Make my pen cry, because every poem was a sad piece Sleeping around with girls as a bandage for my blood loss I self-harmed till I was twenty then one day I found the courage to stop I'm 25 now and have been clean from self-harm for five years I'm working on my heart and finding a way for it to repair I've came a long way and I'm still got further to go I still sleep around with girls to cope with the hurt I know I'm working on that and trying to be a better man I'm just happy I've made it this far as that wasn't part of the plam I'm writing this to express all of the pain I've felt My own cried on the pad and the words are my bandage I overcame bullies, depression, self-harm, neglect so I've been damaged But I'm finally starting to love myself