Lavender

do you remember the night you called me lavender? laying in my bed with the curtains drawn tight. you said for a second all around me was purple and my eyes looked right in that shade. there was a night where you said that you loved me for the first time and those words were rising in my throat for months but i let them saturate there because i needed to be certain you felt the same. it was after the accident and the old man slipped up. he was fumbling over a pen as i watched from the passenger thinking of all the little obstacles always rising when we're together. the universe must've been speaking but we were too busy tweaking all of the plans so they'd fit anyway. do you remember our first night together? right before a movie and dinner we went down to winchester to walk on the sky line. seeing boston from a distance the horizon was mesmerizing as we stood up on the rocks. i saw you leaning in towards me as the golden hour came around and i so deeply wanted this but my body let me down and i stumbled backwards. we ended up lost in the woods for three hours and the night sunk in fast and i thought to myself this needed to last more than the summer, i could do this forever. no direction, no one else. i was with you and it was enough. we reached a dirt bridge. the moon reflecting on the reservoir and we took rest by the weeds growing high. it's were you kissed me for the first time. with your arms all around me you told me you'd been wanting to do this for some time. everything is swarming around me. all the little moments have their hold on me. i want to reach out and grab you, hear you tell me you miss me. you miss all the little moments too and they're enough to keep going down a path with no clear destination. i boxed all the memories. the coins and cards and the photographs i took with the intention of showing future generations a love so special and strong. they're under a pile of dirty laundry that i can't bring myself to wash for any lingering scent of you. it's all sitting there burning holes inside my chest. i lay awake at night for now i can not rest. so i watch all the shows we started at your place until you want to talk and meet again, face to face.