Knickers

You might have heard the stories Or maybe they’re just rumours Of when my poor old granny Lost her frilly bloomers My granny she is old school Hates waste of any kind Repairs her clothes incessantly With whatever she can find When the lacky in her knickers Lost all its stretchiness She pondered for a while And wondered what was best Now granddad had some braces That he no longer wore Granny goes up to the bedroom And she pinched ‘em from his drawer She cuts up granddads braces And stitching them by hand On her bright red frilly bloomers Puts an extra strong waist band The next day while out shopping She wore her favourite drawers She visited the butchers And several other stores Though the ‘lastic was performing The way she thought it would The fabric of her bloomers Wasn’t really all that good Then as she packed her shopping She was putting in the beans When her favourite bright red knickers Departed at the seams Not being one to panic She tried to be discreet As her great big frilly bloomers Landed gently on her feet Stepping from her underwear She didn’t make a fuss Just picked up all her shopping bags And went home on the bus Of course she blamed my granddad She said that he was wrong To let her use his braces Cos’ the ‘lastic was too strong © John W Fenn 11-04-2009