Just Consider This a Reading Challenge

I say things like "never let some a**hole ruin your day", But regardless of the facade, people get to me. I have emotions bottled up inside me decades old, I spent too long walking around saying to my sad old self "Nobody will ever know what you felt today." Sometimes I think I hurt myself, But when I look at my scars I know I did. I can recall being told that I should not take razors to my skin because that's what "Deeply damaged people do". I'm not sure if I'd say I'm deeply damaged or not, i don't know. Nobody told me what qualifies as "deep", so it's hard to gage. I'd say I'm carrying around a pretty significant package of pain. Things were hard then and they are now too, We all went through it, you were there, you know. It was hard. We watched our mother diminish to a breathing skeleton and we watched our father break. His wife was dying - he was trying - some were lying - regardless of evidence some weren't buying - I was crying. Cmon. It was tough and we delt how we could. Yes, it still hurts today. I think it always will. Some of us left too soon and some of us are far too blue. I'm sure if we can forgive eachother we can get better. I don't know what I'm talking about - Maybe we'll never get better. How the fcuk are we supposed to know if we don't try? I want to feel good guys, We were good. I need you all. You aren't "just the past" and I wish i never had thought like that. Maybe we are now, because I'm not sure we can mend this. I don't know. I want you guys to come home though. I miss you all. I love you, and I never stopped. The love is real. It exists here with us. Don't hold back when love exists. Don't hold back - just come back. ~a sad, incoherent poem written by a sad tipsy poet with family problems