Journaling fantasies

Have you ever seen the glimmer in my eye? Have you heard the thump of my heart? As quiet as it may be, just your sight sends me soaring. Just your presence brings miniature clouds of heaven. What is love without a feeling? What is love without a challenge? I don’t want anything more than what you mean to me. Soft gestures and delicate smiles clear my vision from cloudy to bright. You’re an actual speaker and motivator. As quiet as it’s kept, and as much as I try to stay upbeat, I will never be your type. I’m a ball of confusion, struggling to make simple decisions. Haven’t you heard? I’m that toxic bird, flying in the winds, lost in Lala land. I may not be able to gain momentum, yet I’m still standing. I still dream. I still believe. I'll catch up to you and say, "Hey. Have you ever seen the truth? The lie inside? It’s the pain and troubles of longing, taking over my pride. The distance I create helps me keep moving. You will never know I’m a ball of confusion. I’ll continue to be the fool. I’ll remain the silent friend, longing yet unnoticed. I’ll keep these feelings deep within me, safe in my heart. I’ll secure these feelings under lock and key. It’s all just one of my brilliant fantasies. It’s a complicated situation, far from easy, full of complexities— You’ll never know how much you mean to me. But perhaps it’s better this way; after all, you’ve never seen me. Yet pouring out this cup of love feels so freeing. This is my journaling for all the world to see. Thank God this man doesn’t know me. Thank God this man can’t hear me.