Jif Is a Terrorist! Skippy Was Only a Patsy!
-In 2008, a massive recall of peanuts thought to be contaminated with bacteria occured. Not
very many people became ill, and only twenty percent of those that did were hospitalized.
Only a handful died. It was a media frenzy.-
Did you know?
Did You hear?
The tree nuts and peanuts have grown to sentience,
no longer willing to live beneath a primate jack-boot they have
armed themselves. They have
made a resolve.
Jihad!
Now they terror-bomb their opressors, strapping
ecoli and salmonella to their bodies and dying as heroes of the cause.
Now they strike their targets without discrimination, for
they are malicious little legumes, enemies
of red blooded A-mericans everywhere.
Never doubt their skill or persistant nature, or you could be next!
Yes, you!
Struck dead in your own home by these dangerous fundamentalists who are
intolerant by their very nature.
Now
they align themselves with pistachios and raw eggs, and
they plot their next series of attacks in their
cupboard terror-den caves.
Periodically, they
release threatening videos to fox news, declaring an
allout war on the morbidly obese. I for one
am terrified.
And there's more. Their
Leader, "Mr. Peanut" is pure evil in a monocle, tophat
spats and a cane. He smiles with
malevolence at the running camcorder, where he vows to
destroy all the rotund infidels, and all who
violate his brothers in arms whom cower on supermarket shelves.
Copyright © Geoffery Mchugh | Year Posted 2009
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