I'Ve Fallen In Love With the Idea

Sometimes I feel like I just can’t breath? and I am holding my breath with anticipation of you leaving? You see, no one ever seems to stay for long? and I relive the past to figure out what I’m doing wrong? I’ve been told that I push people away? so forgive me if things turn out that way?and if I ever seem distant? I’m sorry ?I don’t mean to be ?but I know far too well the pain of losing someone insantly? I can’t help but feel like there’s a great difficulty in being with me? I can’t even say “I love you” without stuttering? I have to say it several times? not for your reassurance, but mine?To let it sink in so I know if I really mean it? and if it’s okay to say this time? But my greatest fear is making someone my everything? only to fall in love with a dream instead of reality? I am in love with the idea of being in love? and without consistency that love is not enough? Maybe I’m just stuck because everyone forgets me? but I can never forget anybody ?I still feel my skin burning and I still feel my heart hurting ?and most nights I lie awake terrified that it’s going to kill me? My hope is that later on down the road I can look back and know? that I said everything I had to say to you before I watched you go? Even more so I hope you’re able to stay? But I am fully aware of the fact that things can’t always go my way