It's None Of My Business
It's None Of My Business
“No amount of worry or stress can change or control what someone else says or thinks about you”.
By Morgan Richard Oliver
“What other people think and say about you is none of your business. The most destructive thing you would ever do is to believe someone else's opinion of you. You have to stop letting other people's opinions control you.
It means that it's to your benefit to stop caring about, obsessing about, and wondering about what other people think about you. There may be a few people in your life who you trust, whose opinions you respect, however, what they think of you is still none of your business.”
From Truly Living Lisa Rose website
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We had an Intentioners Workshop at the beginning of this year.
One of my statements created a huge stir. What did you think of me when I said, ”what you think of me is none of my business…?” How many of you cringed? There was a lot of attention focused on restating and rewriting it to a more acceptable “prettified” version. In doing so, this empowering statement lost its power.
I can't imagine the reaction if I had said the harsher version, “it's none of YOUR business?” I decided to minimize and stop giving away my power by being overly invested with other people’s opinions of me.
Here's another perspective to consider, “it’s none of my business” is a softer version for, “it’s none of your business.” Would you feel more empowered if you could say, "It's none of your business?” Sometimes, it's as, or more effective to just “think it.”
When I allowed people that type of influence, I was unhappy and upset with myself for not having better and stronger boundaries.
Think… We all had situations when another person invaded our cognitive and emotional boundaries with their unwanted opinions. The delivery wasn't intended to express genuine concern and caring. It was a put down or one upmanship.
What was their motivation for making those comments? It certainly wasn't intended to improve your circumstances and make you feel cared for… Undoubtedly, it was a means to bolster their flagging confidence.
It's another form of bullying. Did you ever feel bullied by these intrusions? I know I did. I erroneously shouldered the blame and responsibility, that somehow, I did something to justify that person’s comments.
When I bought into their comments as the truth, I gave them power to slowly destroy me. Each time I took their comments to heart, more parts of me broke off. Sometimes, further crumbling into dust, only to be blown away.
If we're honest, isn't that what you would secretly and silently say? Of course, you would! This statement is one way to establish your boundaries. You have the power to set limits about and how another talks to and about you and your choices.
The transcript can be misconstrued as negative and mean. It's your delivery that is important, that’s what makes the difference and impression. You can establish and reinforce your boundaries without being mean.
Did you ever wish you had the courage to say “it's none of YOUR business” to an intrusive person? It's a form of counteracting or shielding you from bullying. It's a reflection of their audacity and unwarranted reason to stick their nose into your life. Didn't you sometimes think, how dare they? I certainly did. Each of us is justified to take umbrage. It's offensive when another person is presumptuous, and decides you need to hear their opinion and judgement.
However, will saying “it's none of YOUR business” always be effective? I doubt it, although it depends on your purpose for saying it. It can be interpreted as a form of a personal attack on that other person.
What happens if you switch just two words… from "your" to "my" it shifts the power from external to internal control and influence.
When you say, “it's none of my business” it becomes a personal reflection about yourself. This gives you the opportunity to “say what you mean, mean what you say, and not say it mean.”
It minimizes stinging the other person with an “it's none of your business.” Even though, truly, it is none of their business. Don't be surprised when that person goes on the offensive, and accuses you of saying that. You can honestly say, I didn't say it was “none of YOUR business.” I said it was none of MY business.
So, it's important to try to get this message across and maximize your message being heard. Sometimes, there's no guarantee your message will be heard or the person will stop trying.
The only guarantee is that you SAID it. Your confidence and your lack of reaction or changing your opinion or actions, should ultimately discourage them from sticking their nose into your life. There may be times, you'll need to assert a more direct approach.
The statement “it's none of my business,” in and of itself, is empowering. It's a declaration stating you won't be swayed or unduly influenced by another person's words and opinions. It's also a declaration of your confidence in your true self. That you're holding steadfast to your truth.
There are various “none of my business” exceptions, that are relevant and legitimate circumstances. There are some instances when information needs to be said and the effort be made. Your delivery is key and hopefully it's heard.
*Nonjudgmental sharing information, observations, personal thoughts and reactions.
There shouldn't be any obligation for you to adopt their suggestions, directives, opinions, and take those on and incorporate them into your revised truth. Even if you asked for their opinion.
*Corrective feedback and guidance.
*Conversations involving the consequences of your choices and actions or inactions.
*Discussing differences of opinions where it's okay and safe to agree to disagree.
During the Intentioners Workshop, I thought the attention focused on restating and rewriting my statement to a more acceptable version, was a mistake.
Softening it into a prettified or positive language version… robbed and diminished my personal power.
It wasn't necessary for me to continue to reiterate my position. I owned my truth, so I silently told each and everyone of them what you think and just did was none of my business, and absolutely none of your business.
I'll continue to think or tell a person it’s none of my business when the situation arises.
Own your power, and when appropriate, firmly, politely, and respectfully say “it's none of my business.”
Sherry Barton
June 21, 2024
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