It Hurts

I'm 21 years of age..i no longer have a father..a father that for the longest time i felt like i hated,just to realize that i really loved him all along..a father i smoked weed with and had back and forth issues with for the last eight years.and one that i sometimes took for granted,matter of fact alot of the times..which i now regret because, i cry out loud for him. whenever i CAN cry at least...At the viewing of my dad at his funeral,i waited for most people to leave the room before i went up and said my peace.not out of shame,but because it felt right..feeling and holding his cold dead fingers,knowing there is no more life inside of what used to be my fathers body..kissing his head in awe,it hit me like a ton of bricks.in an instant i fall to my knees,still holding on.shouting out loud how sorry i was.remembering what i could remember very vividly in my head.regretting moments i could have just hugged and said the words i love you..it was too late for that..i was talking to a lifeless version of a man who was once my father..wishing i had one more day just to say and do things i never did...they say move on,..i say show me how..i sure hope there is a god and a heaven because when i die i definitely want to be reunited with my father..to everybody and anybody reading,don't forget to say i love you to the ones who raised you and made you part of who you are..you will regret it when that person is no longer around..and it hurts,it really hurts... Love you dad.