Incase I End Up Alone

There's a lot of pain inside of me that I think should be known I've held my tongue, tried to do right by others my whole life Love, heartbreak, Betrayal, I've felt a lot and seen a lot with my eyes Let me write this incase I end up alone When I speak about my pain, heartbreak and life I don't want sympathy I've fought depression my whole life and I'm still here, I'm built for this mentally Let me drink a glass of brandy while I write this Every man on this planet, has that one girl, he wishes he could make things right with Depression pushed you away Chantal, even though my heart wanted to pull you closer I tried to make things right when I finally got better, but you said it was over And that nothing will ever happen between us I could lie and say it didn't hurt, but truthfully it left my heart crushed Rebecca you wasn't my first girlfriend but you were my first love You were the first person I told that I self-harmed after we started dating and I'm thankful you didn't judge Something's don't work out, but I'm glad I got the chance to know you We still speak and I'll be here as a friend for anything you go through TJ you fought so hard for me at I time I hated myself I couldn't give you the love you deserved, you may aswell have been dating yourself I'm ashamed that I didn't treat you better I was young, dumb and controlled by depression which didn't want us together Katie you caused me more pain than I deserved I was young and stupid, so because the sex was good, I thought I should try to make it work You kept messaging me after we split, even when you had boyfriends But I ignored the texts, because you were the nightmare I was avoiding Zoe, you're my best friends cousin, so I felt under pressure in that relationship You were a great girl, but I'm glad we didn't stay in it I wish you nothing but happiness, I hope you find it But I can't be the reason behind it Stacey you had similar issues to me, Cupid set us up for a reason but that plan failed When we were together, my mind was always on Chantal I buried my feelings for her, so they always came back You were a special girl, but my heart was elsewhere and I'm sorry for that I'd have been here forever if I wrote about all the females I've been involved with No matter what I was going through, the hottest girl seemed to be the problem to solve it I gave my heart to a few, who crushed it, when I thought they would hold it Maybe I should have kept this pain to myself and never told it