In the Courthouse

For what you say I did, I plead guilty, for why you say I did it, I deny freely. For you do not understand how I felt, after I buckled up my belt. A man like me is never denied, so she asked for every tear she cried. “No!” is like giving me permission although unwilling, to do what I feel whilst she is screaming. You might call me a psychopath and you wish I can die, but your grieve and pain is the drug that gets me high. Do you not do what makes you happy? I dare you to try and judge me. Furthermore, back to how I felt after I did the deed, I felt the pain she felt, I watched her bleed. I can still smell her fear running up my nose, and still, feel her arms pushing away the consequence she chose. All I wanted was to express the beauty she meant to me, all I wanted was for her to see; That a man like me can care for a girl like her, but she brought out the side of me I never wanted to share. With regret of never seeing her again I want to say, to her family and friends… during the torcher she started to pray. “God, I cannot do this without your help, please have mercy!” for a second I stopped… and then she stared at me. Her eyes were dead, her soul lost in fright, her voice yelled silence in the middle of the night. Her mouth was shut as she bit on her teeth, sorrow ran down her cheeks that made it hard to breath. Now, in Court I am for my misunderstood actions, in this Courthouse – I just want to resolve your misconceptions. Yes, I do believe I deserve to be sentenced, but for you listening… even I wish I could have prevented this.