Notes About The Poem

Something I did trying to use the rhyme royal format in a modern sounding kind of dark ramble.  It was challenging and I imagine I'll be coming back to this at some point to tinker.  

Form is 

7 line stanzas (I stacked two to make 14 lines)

with 

A B A B B C C rhyme

in iambic pentameter (most of the time)

Premiere Contest WinnerIn Another Time

the waning moonlight thinly enveloped 	
the dusky canvas obscurely sprawling
across the way from the window I looked,
I knew a park was there with slides and swing	
but for the moment dark revealed nothing,
for the moment I didn’t care, either
because in darkness I felt even darker;
I was lying in bed embraced by regret
of decisions of love and time wasted,
spooning the layered sheets of doubt and fret
all thawed out from my heart into my head;
The memories of hurtful comments said
by and to me were chastising voices
of ghostly choices purposed to depress;

As dusk became the night I became lost
in whimsically strewn wishes and pleas
to gods and stars and genies alike, crossed
as eyes crying for mother drowned in seas,
I spoke to nobody but begged for keys
to unlock another time, another place
to start all over again with new space,
To unseen gods I had long since quit on
I prayed, bargained even, another chance
and I’d do everything right this season 
  - A jobless man needing a pay advance,
But for thirty three years nary a glance
had alpha or omega set on me
and this night I expected no divine decree;

several hours elapsed as I collapsed
in smoldering thoughts of suicide fanned,
-  I had outlasted night’s concealing grasp, 
and as the morning sun began its planned
ascent, I gave into Hades’ command 
through my tenth floor window whispered to me
of hellish suggestions to jump and flee;
on ledge I stood and looked across the way
for one last glimpse of earth and pastel sky,
- a small souvenir of my final day,
My eyes settled on last night’s park from high
above, and that’s when I saw God’s reply,
 - an unspoken answer for eyes turned blind,
His deafening promise to all mankind;


by his heavenly brushes came colors
where none had been, transforming lonely space
into one of vibrance and life renewed,
-  and it was a different space,
I watched as birds celebrated morning
with songs of praise and thankfulness,
-  and I felt a quick waning emptiness,
I heard the children below lining up
for the school bus all on time and ready
to live and learn in this new day granted,
-  and I felt like I knew nothing at all;

but then I knew everything all at once,
and I stepped off the ledge ready to live,

ready to embrace 
ready to seize life found…

in another time. 
Copyright © | Year Posted 2016

Poem

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12
Rodd Avatar
January 3, 2018 at 8:00 PM
A poem has never made me cry...until now. Beautiful poem Phillip!
Gist Avatar
October 4, 2017 at 3:52 PM
Very picturesque!
Bocsa Avatar
September 24, 2017 at 4:43 AM
Lovely love poem on love of life prooving much talent. Glory.
Kimathi Avatar
September 22, 2017 at 3:07 AM
A deep, powerful, insightful piece! I really enjoyed your piece, Phillip! :-)
Alexander Avatar
September 20, 2017 at 4:08 AM
brilliant. i was with you all the way. it just came a few days ago, sorry i had missed it previously. man of few words
Alexander Avatar
September 20, 2017 at 4:06 AM
brilliant. i was with you all the way. it just came a few days ago, sorry i had missed it previously. man of few words
Dunne Avatar
September 19, 2017 at 11:52 AM
Very nice! I am there with you because of your wonderfully descriptive poem.
Onaf Avatar
September 19, 2017 at 1:12 AM
'Another time to get it right '..... Great poem..!!!
Edwards-Gregory Avatar
September 18, 2017 at 6:20 PM
This poem was captivating, held me to the end. A talented poet you are Mr. Garcia. Inspiring too. Congratulations!
Campbell  Avatar
September 18, 2017 at 4:39 PM
Oh my oh my, this was absolutely amazing, love the last lin you stepped of the ledge and also how you reached out to other gods prior, letting go of the pain and allow God to work mysteriosly, was just beautiful, I can read this over and over...~Suzette Campbell
Franceschini Avatar
September 18, 2017 at 4:13 PM
thank you for sharing with us such a personal and in depth poem. you have successfully achieved a poem of truth and drama combined. God bless you
Sergi Avatar
September 18, 2017 at 3:26 PM
Bravo, Phillip! A perilous journey writing a lengthy poem and staying on course until the end. Beautiful words carefully chosen and a positive ending. I am in awe your work and will read your others. Great Write!
Wood Avatar
September 18, 2017 at 12:55 PM
Phillip, you have a real talent. This was a joy to read, beginning to end. I am not familiar with this form but it was seamlessly fluid. A great message of hope in the end. I loved it! Thank you for sharing!
Puddifoot Avatar
April 28, 2017 at 7:52 AM
i wanted to read the very first poem you posted here, and wow is all i can say! no wonder it won a trophy! you know what? i would've been tempted to leave out those last three lines altogether, and end with "and i stepped off the ledge ready to live" - it has so much impact the other three lines aren't needed at all!
Puddifoot Avatar
April 28, 2017 at 9:04 AM
ah, i'm with you now...i hate it when we're told we have to include certain words or phrases within a poem! lol
Garcia Avatar
April 28, 2017 at 8:13 AM
In looking at it I think I agree, BUT, in my defense, I'm pretty sure it was required we use the phrase 'in another time' in the poem which obviously I forgot about until the bitter end :)
Marcum Wong Avatar
April 4, 2017 at 5:25 AM
Phillip, this poem is incredibly beautiful! It comes full circle giving others hope in their darkest hour. Poetry like this is why I come here, and you are at the top of the list with creative and poignant pieces like this! You let God, through nature, open your eyes and your heart and that is the kind of inner beauty that penetrates the heart and soul. Bravo! Congrats on your deserving top win. A Fave 7 + ; )
Robinson Jr. Avatar
April 3, 2017 at 12:15 AM
A very cryptic write, Phillip. In the end, the protagonist takes a leap of faith, such a jarring revelation he/she received. Superb debut. You possess a clarion voice. Heard w/chilling clarity. Love and much respect for your poetic talents.
Robinson Jr. Avatar
April 3, 2017 at 12:17 AM
No doubt you found out on your own by now that you can edit your posted poems. It is available in the My Poems menu. May love light your path always.
Murray Avatar
March 13, 2017 at 6:02 PM
To articulate such emotional turmoil in such a breathtaking way.....wow!
Dietrich Avatar
March 10, 2017 at 8:55 PM
Reading your amazing best poem, Phillip. HIgh marks from me as well and a belated congrats for when you got your win with it. Did you do a poem about the day you wrote this for us to see an example for your contest? If so, let me know!!
Garcia Avatar
March 11, 2017 at 2:51 PM
Thank you, Andrea, and no I did not write a sample poem. You're flyin' blind on this one!
Daniel Avatar
March 8, 2017 at 8:47 AM
I came and reread this deep beauty, Phillip:) truly one of your best:) a 7:) I see the end as hopeful and positive:)
Lamoureux Avatar
January 19, 2017 at 8:07 AM
I see this one has garnished another win. Congrats once again.
White Avatar
November 2, 2016 at 2:58 AM
I had to come back to this once more..."several hours elapsed as I collapsed in smoldering thoughts of suicide fanned, - I had outlasted night’s concealing grasp, and as the morning sun began its planned ascent, I gave into Hades’ command " // I keep reading the poem. I have been there, recognition. But now there is poetry :) fave.
Hamilton Avatar
October 24, 2016 at 2:27 PM
Wonderful poem Phillip, I remember this, I didn't get it the first time now I got it. This is brilliant, glad to see it took top honours again. This will go down as an all time classic write! You should be proud of this one! A7
Garcia Avatar
October 24, 2016 at 4:23 PM
Thank you John- and it wasn't that you didn't get it, if i recall it was because my ending devolved into a cluttered mess (which it kinda does looking back but can't do anything about it now...if only technology granted us a way to edit posted poems) :)
Lamoureux Avatar
October 24, 2016 at 9:14 AM
A tremendous piece, congrats on your top honour.
Garcia Avatar
October 24, 2016 at 4:20 PM
Thank you Richard!
Richards Avatar
October 23, 2016 at 7:47 PM
So wonderful this poem, and how it ends with such a peaceful and positive conclusion . Beautifully done ! Congratulations, Phillip!
Krampe Avatar
October 23, 2016 at 7:40 PM
congrats on your win. Great poem. Agnes
12
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