I'M Eric Cartman

I'm Eric Cartman and I'm an evil little *****. My mom is poor, she certainly isn't rich. She posed nude in a magazine because she's a Crack Whore. She couldn't afford to buy me an IPad and that made me sore. After I lied on DR. Phil, Apple was about to give me a Human CentiPad. But they got an order to disassemble it and that really made me mad. I started cursing God and he struck me with lightning. I won't ever mess with him again, he's too frightening. Many people hate my guts because I'm a racist punk. When I offended a girl classmate, my ship was sunk. She beat me up because she's a tough little Lass. I tried to fight back but she kicked my sorry ass. I certainly don't have a heart of gold, I'm a terrible lad. People wonder how a nine year old boy can be so bad. If you do something bad, I'll rat you out because I'm also a snitch. I will not change my ways, I'll continue to be an evil little *****. (This poem is based on the South Park cartoon.)