If You Were God

Someone asked "If you were god what would you do differently?" I knew instantly what I'd do. I'd make people stretchier so they could be short or tall as the mood strikes. Women could pull their vag*nas up over their heads when it rains, and guys could stretch their dicks over their shoulder, down their backs, insert in hole. Fingers could reach the refrigerator, open the door, and grab a beer without getting out of the easy chair. Could stretch out your tongue and taste everyone else's food in a restaurant. Could reach up your arms and save children from the ledges of burning skyscrapers. Could stretch out your ears into a thin strong membrane then jump safely out of planes without parachutes. People would just naturally become pleasant and non-destructive if only everyone was stretchier. So that's what I'd do.