If Only You Knew

So we hadn't seen each other for a while The past kept on keeping us apart I just didn't realise the past And my anger for I felt you let happened Would mean we could never ever speak again They told me that you were dying And all I heard was the unresolved If only I could have known how I would feel After you died and it was to late The past would have melted away Even when told I didn't really know Only when I tried to buy some flowers for you Did the truth begin to rip me apart inside Every word that went unsaid Kept me from you Regret began to sneak in between my tears And I never imagined I would never escape that empty feeling When there is nothing you can do As I dressed in my suit White shirt black tie I still found it hard to accept The impossibility to make all right Then as the hurst drew up Your coffin came into view The haze of what I did not want to see Cleared Your death Beyond any desperate attempt of denial An expert in crying from fear From the years I blamed you for But the tears from losing you Hurt more than any punch I had worn Beyond my own pain I cannot remember much more Because from the first moment I saw your coffin Every year before in a moment endured With the death of a link To the memory of so many horrible years As I threw earth on your coffin Those years didn't disappear Regret that has nowhere to go With all roads permanently closed Bleeds all the years That were cried before I just hope That one day my bleeding for what I didn't do May fade as I think of you So now I get to come and see you From time to time at your grave But you can't explain Why you let What did I can't explain What I felt As a frightened little kid And more than all I want To tell you what you did wrong I desperately want to let you know How much I love you If only you knew.