If Only

If only my soul I had listened too If only I took the time to truly wait Then my heart wouldn't be in so much pain Self inflicted, contradicted bull you spoon fed me And I consumed it greedily See I let you lay your hat, marking your territory, making this here home Even though it was temporary For you had another who you showered your love upon Me, I was that itch you continently scratched, that door you slightly kept open, cracked that light you kept dimmed, that one you wiped your feet on Doormat, lover, friend I was the other woman and didn't even know it Seven years thinking I was the only one My mind tried telling me but I played blind refusing to see Now I see in techno-color and I’m not liking stepping out from behind those rose colored glasses My behind is tragic See I know what should have been done but I was just so lonely So I took up with a known bum Thinking I could change him Only he changed me and not for the better I became quiet and reclusive, never laughing, never smiling Going to work rushing home cuz I knew he was going to call I had to hear his voice no matter how harsh, making excuses for being late Lying, saying I couldn't start my car Known lie of course since I didn't even have one But still through all his abuse I loved him more than the truth The truth is I was lost That is until my heart stepped in Refusing his continued misuse of his authority Though never once did he hit me No, the verbal was just as bad Sick and tired of loving, needing, wanting this so called man I freely fled Before I ended up completely chaotic and mentally dead