If Only
If only my soul I had listened too
If only I took the time to truly wait
Then my heart wouldn't be in so much pain
Self inflicted, contradicted bull you spoon fed me
And I consumed it greedily
See I let you lay your hat, marking your territory, making this here home
Even though it was temporary
For you had another who you showered your love upon
Me, I was that itch you continently scratched, that door you slightly kept open, cracked
that light you kept dimmed, that one you wiped your feet on
Doormat, lover, friend
I was the other woman and didn't even know it
Seven years thinking I was the only one
My mind tried telling me but I played blind refusing to see
Now I see in techno-color and I’m not liking stepping out from behind those rose colored
glasses
My behind is tragic
See I know what should have been done but I was just so lonely
So I took up with a known bum
Thinking I could change him
Only he changed me and not for the better
I became quiet and reclusive, never laughing, never smiling
Going to work rushing home cuz I knew he was going to call
I had to hear his voice no matter how harsh, making excuses for being late
Lying, saying I couldn't start my car
Known lie of course since I didn't even have one
But still through all his abuse
I loved him more than the truth
The truth is I was lost
That is until my heart stepped in
Refusing his continued misuse of his authority
Though never once did he hit me
No, the verbal was just as bad
Sick and tired of loving, needing, wanting this so called man
I freely fled
Before I ended up completely chaotic and mentally dead
Copyright © Missy Smith | Year Posted 2011
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