If I'Ve Got To Go
If I've got to go then I hope I say all I need to say
If I've got to go, I hope I leave no poem unfinished & I cover every inch of the page
If I've got to go, I hope I manage to correct all of my wrongs
If I've got to go & you didn't laugh when I was here, you have no right to cry when I'm gone
I won't lie, I've been thinking about death a lot lately
I'm Bipolar and I've stopped trying to convince the world I'm not crazy
Either accept it or don't, I can live with and without you
I've learned that the more you judge me, the more it says about you
I'm flawed and scarred, I've never tried to hide it
Maybe at times I used a fake smile to disguise it
Depression tells me that I shouldn't write this
But I believe I should be able to speak on it, if I survived it
I've messed up some great relationships, because of my own flaws
My past has left me unable to commit & feeling insecure
The new me deserves the girls I had chances with in the past
The old me was an idiot who cared about which girl had the best ass
I thought I had the right to play girls, because my mother put me In foster care
I was young, dumb and living a nightmare
All I ever wanted was a hug from my dad and him to acknowledge me
I'm a better man than I used to be, can you accept my apology?
I overcame my self-harm nightmare, and never thought I would
I gave my all to the world, even if mine was short of love
I fathered myself, I was a man before my so called dad died
I used to sit and talk to the Eminem posters on my wall at night
Looking up to a rapper who didn't know I exist
Moved around foster families, a hug from my parents was my only wish
I still crave the hug & guidance from the dad I never had
If I've got to go, I hope I can be forgave for what I've wrote on this pad
If I've got to go then I hope I say all I need to say
If I've got to go, I hope I leave no poem unfinished & I cover every inch of the page
If I've got to go, I hope I manage to correct all of my wrongs
If I've got to go & you didn't laugh with me when I was here, you have no right to cry when I'm gone
Copyright © Alex Duffy | Year Posted 2017
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