If I Were Five Again

If only I could be five once more With all the knowledge en wisdoms from distant shores Oh what a time I would have At only five, I would be a devilish lad I would file tax returns just for fun Only because I have no income I would say five million I make What do you think will be your take? Let em collect from a five year old The IRS would they be so bold? Sure they would try, that I know My name I would say is old Al Gore I would eat ice cream all day If mum said stop! Id say no way!!!! I am only five once in a lifetime they say So ice-cream is my right!!! For that I will fight! I would eat cookies as meals I am only five and not fat at all I would eat all day and eat all night Who the hell cares, I’ll be alright I would fly to Las Vegas And place bets on number five I would date cocktail ladies I show them five is alive I would change my name To Alice Cooper And behead a few chickens Just to be cool and scare off a few wiccans I would buy me a bike a boat and a plane So I could travel like Hefner and act insane I'd have playboy bunnies, all wrapped in chocolate Fantasies and dreams, I would swagger and strut I would drink whiskey with cool aide cause I am only five Happy hours I would have with hookers in dives I would have a fake beard, so I appear six I would listen to rock all night, ending with Styx Donuts and Pizza, would be my daily fair Hangovers and Playboy bunnies, why I know you’d all stare Oh how evil I would be at this tender young age Smoking cigars and playing the sage Id rob me a bank for a million dollars And spend it on Nintendo as I laugh and I holler No way they would put a five year old in jail Who cares anyways, you’d know I’d make bail! Cause I would be only five