If I Die Tomorrow

I got told I'd be dead by 21 so it's a surprise I've survived this long My pain gave me an Ice Heart like I'm a combination of the actors in Ride along But I put everything on display I don't hide my wrongs If I die tomorrow and you want to know the truth then look inside my poems Will you love my work Or judge my words Was I too deep?, did I say things you didn't like? Will you hold it against me even when I'm put in dirt? Whatever you do, just don't allow my death to stop you living life Don't paint me as a saint, don't make up lies I'm sorry for any wrongs I didn't get to make right I made a lot of mistakes, but I was a man of my word I fell down a lot, but eventually I learned to stand with the hurt There were a lot of girls I dated I dressed it up, but without her my world was naked The situation with Chantal was the only relationship drama that left me with a hurting heart I didn't even have sex with her, so my bodies not thinking with a certain part I pushed her away when she called me her man Depression made me feel worthless, when I really wanted her hand By the time I got help, it was too Late and she didn't want to know I understand that, Even though you weren't with me Chantal, my heart didn't let you go Truth be told, every man has one girl he can't get over But I had to date other girls and pretend like it didn't hurt to get closure If I die tomorrow I hope you don't find out, and get to live your life as you would But if you do, I really hope this isn't something you have regret over I hope whoever gets to be with you, doesn't fall short at the height of your love I should probably get a professional writer to help me bring this poem some balance this is me being real, It's not about show casing my Poetical talents We all hurt in some way I never went to church on Sundays I refuse to be a hypocrite as Most Saturday nights I was leaving the club with a random girl and full of liquor I'd rather shoot for the moon than to pull a trigger I don't care about Kim and Kanye, or Jay-Z and Beyonce or any of their kids If its not my relationship or my child, I don't see why there's a care I should give I was always the funny one, inappropriate jokes I made often But I'm being serious, when I say I want a stripper to jump out of my coffin And there will be a free lap dance to anyone who doesn't get scared One last wish, I want Like Toy soldiers by Eminem to be played there Bipolar so I didn't always have control over the way I acted I hoped my depression would disappear like magic But it stuck by my side all the way I didn't talk much, because I learned it's best to stay quiet when you have too much to say I don't want anyone to mourn my death Enjoy your life while you can, because you don't know how much time you have left Do whatever is in your heart while you're here Remember everything, my Mistakes, flaws, laughs, smiles and tears I've still got some living to do while I'm here But I'm about to put this brandy down, and go to bed not knowing what's going to follow I wrote this In case I die tomorrow