If I Die Tomorrow
I got told I'd be dead by 21 so it's a surprise I've survived this long
My pain gave me an Ice Heart like I'm a combination of the actors in Ride along
But I put everything on display I don't hide my wrongs
If I die tomorrow and you want to know the truth then look inside my poems
Will you love my work
Or judge my words
Was I too deep?, did I say things you didn't like?
Will you hold it against me even when I'm put in dirt?
Whatever you do, just don't allow my death to stop you living life
Don't paint me as a saint, don't make up lies
I'm sorry for any wrongs I didn't get to make right
I made a lot of mistakes, but I was a man of my word
I fell down a lot, but eventually I learned to stand with the hurt
There were a lot of girls I dated
I dressed it up, but without her my world was naked
The situation with Chantal was the only relationship drama that left me with a hurting heart
I didn't even have sex with her, so my bodies not thinking with a certain part
I pushed her away when she called me her man
Depression made me feel worthless, when I really wanted her hand
By the time I got help, it was too Late and she didn't want to know
I understand that, Even though you weren't with me Chantal, my heart didn't let you go
Truth be told, every man has one girl he can't get over
But I had to date other girls and pretend like it didn't hurt to get closure
If I die tomorrow I hope you don't find out, and get to live your life as you would
But if you do, I really hope this isn't something you have regret over
I hope whoever gets to be with you, doesn't fall short at the height of your love
I should probably get a professional writer to help me bring this poem some balance
this is me being real, It's not about show casing my Poetical talents
We all hurt in some way
I never went to church on Sundays
I refuse to be a hypocrite as Most Saturday nights I was leaving the club with a random girl and full of liquor
I'd rather shoot for the moon than to pull a trigger
I don't care about Kim and Kanye, or Jay-Z and Beyonce or any of their kids
If its not my relationship or my child, I don't see why there's a care I should give
I was always the funny one, inappropriate jokes I made often
But I'm being serious, when I say I want a stripper to jump out of my coffin
And there will be a free lap dance to anyone who doesn't get scared
One last wish, I want Like Toy soldiers by Eminem to be played there
Bipolar so I didn't always have control over the way I acted
I hoped my depression would disappear like magic
But it stuck by my side all the way
I didn't talk much, because I learned it's best to stay quiet when you have too much to say
I don't want anyone to mourn my death
Enjoy your life while you can, because you don't know how much time you have left
Do whatever is in your heart while you're here
Remember everything, my Mistakes, flaws, laughs, smiles and tears
I've still got some living to do while I'm here
But I'm about to put this brandy down, and go to bed not knowing what's going to follow
I wrote this In case I die tomorrow
Copyright © Alex Duffy | Year Posted 2017
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