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I Won'T Pretend

So lost in crowds 
Can't speak aloud
I'm so ashamed of who I am 
So lost in sounds
I can't be found

I won't give up
No, no I won't 
Can't remember who I am 
Music is my only, lonely jam

But, I remember hopes and dreams
I remember everything that sings
I don't know who I am, but I will figure that out
Pretending who I am is filling me with doubt

I'm like a broken dam
That, I am…that, I am...
A long lost lamb
Alone in the fields of shame
Alone in the lonesome game
Of giving up…
But, I won't 
I won't 
I won't 

I won't give up
No, no I won't 
Can't remember who I am 
Music is my only, lonely jam

But, I remember hopes and dreams
I remember everything that sings
I don't know who I am, but I will figure that out
Pretending who I am is filling me with doubt

I feel somewhat better than before
I have been hit to the core some more
I don't know why I feel extremely numb 
Please tell me God - I want to overcome…
These emotions
Are like oceans
But, I belong with Him in times of need

I won't give up
No, no I won't 
Can't remember who I am 
Music is my only, lonely jam

But, I remember hopes and dreams
I remember everything that sings
I don't know who I am, but I will figure that out
Pretending who I am is filling me with doubt

Give me some hope in times of hopelessness 
Give me a reason to hold on to His joyousness 
Everything fades, but not happiness from within
Observation has taken over me again and again
Can't help but be sad…
Yet, I am still glad
Was so lost in crowds 
Couldn't speak aloud
But, I won't pretend to be who I am…
I am like a strong, rowdy ram 
Yet, gentle and quiet like a lamb...

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Caren Krutsinger

Date: 7/7/2019 9:37:00 PM

Many of us feel this way sometimes. "I'm like a broken dam That, I am…that, I am... A long lost lamb Alone in the fields of shame Alone in the lonesome game Of giving up… But, I won't I won't I won't " I am glad there was so much optimism here, because it reminds us that life can get a lot better, and fast.

J.W. Earnings
Date: 7/9/2019 10:03:00 AM

Thank you, Caren, for your heartfelt comment on my poetic journey~

Charmaine Chircop

Date: 7/7/2019 4:04:00 PM

I can relate to your poem sometimes..Yes I do ask that question oftenly.."Who am I"?..Really enjoyed reading your poem.Hold to the songs ..dreams and better days.

J.W. Earnings
Date: 7/9/2019 10:01:00 AM

Thank you, Charmaine!

Jennifer Proxenos

Date: 7/7/2019 2:46:00 AM

Hi JW, as long as you continue to jam the way forward will become clear, you make others happy - God loves you for this - continue jamming my friend - glad you enjoyed my poem - a powerful, creative, poetic gem you have expressed! Hugs and blessings, Jennifer.

J.W. Earnings
Date: 7/9/2019 10:01:00 AM

Thank you so much, Jennifer!

Nette Onclaud

Date: 7/5/2019 8:01:00 PM

such a racy yet sentimental melody so good to put this into music, JW!... spot on!...huggs

J.W. Earnings
Date: 7/6/2019 9:04:00 PM

Thank you for your lovely comment on my poetry today! X-) JWE

Richard Lamoureux

Date: 7/5/2019 9:04:00 AM

You are on a roll, another meaningful ponderable piece.

J.W. Earnings
Date: 7/6/2019 9:04:00 PM

Thanks so much! :) Such kind words.