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I Went To Heaven

I went to Heaven…..
Why I went there and
how I got there….
now there’s the story.

Went there to plead my case.
Couldn’t afford an angel so
one was appointed for me.
Unlike Clarence this guy already
had earned his wings – big deal.
My dispute centered around
the definition of sin and the
proper interpretation of
biblical references to mercy.
As in, is it a sin to commit a sin
in the act of being merciful
to a sinner?

How I got there?  Well, it seems
that Hell has its own version of
the TSA and it is as easily scammed.
The lesser “devils” work for Hell’s
minimum wage and can be bought
for very little.  So, I bribed my “devil”
and slipped out of line, bypassed
Heaven’s border patrol, and - Viola!
They were reading me my rights.
“You have the right to remain a sinner.”
“Any sins you have committed will
be held against you in the eyes of God.”
“If you give up the right to remain a sinner
your pursuit of forgiveness and salvation
shall be considered by the court.”

So, here I am – in Heaven!
Waiting for the angels to call my case.
I told them I was taking this all the way
to the top.  No archangel was going to
decide my eternal fate.  There would
be no plea bargain, no purification in
the lesser hell of “Purgatory”.  I was going to
talk to the Big Guy and tell Him he needed
to update his prayer line as many of mine
were returned with the “error code”
undeliverable stamped on them.

Well, anyway, the view is terrific,
the food is “heavenly”, I’m…..I’m….
sprouting some fuzzy feathered wings.
This could sway the jury or at least aid
me in my escape attempt.  I hear that the
“devils” are looking for me and “Big Lu”
is really pissed! 


John G. Lawless
11/24/2015

submitted to – I Went To Heaven – Poetry Contest
sponsor – Laura Urbaniak

heavenhumortravelfree verse

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