I Went To Heaven

I went to Heaven….. Why I went there and how I got there…. now there’s the story. Went there to plead my case. Couldn’t afford an angel so one was appointed for me. Unlike Clarence this guy already had earned his wings – big deal. My dispute centered around the definition of sin and the proper interpretation of biblical references to mercy. As in, is it a sin to commit a sin in the act of being merciful to a sinner? How I got there? Well, it seems that Hell has its own version of the TSA and it is as easily scammed. The lesser “devils” work for Hell’s minimum wage and can be bought for very little. So, I bribed my “devil” and slipped out of line, bypassed Heaven’s border patrol, and - Viola! They were reading me my rights. “You have the right to remain a sinner.” “Any sins you have committed will be held against you in the eyes of God.” “If you give up the right to remain a sinner your pursuit of forgiveness and salvation shall be considered by the court.” So, here I am – in Heaven! Waiting for the angels to call my case. I told them I was taking this all the way to the top. No archangel was going to decide my eternal fate. There would be no plea bargain, no purification in the lesser hell of “Purgatory”. I was going to talk to the Big Guy and tell Him he needed to update his prayer line as many of mine were returned with the “error code” undeliverable stamped on them. Well, anyway, the view is terrific, the food is “heavenly”, I’m…..I’m…. sprouting some fuzzy feathered wings. This could sway the jury or at least aid me in my escape attempt. I hear that the “devils” are looking for me and “Big Lu” is really pissed! John G. Lawless 11/24/2015 submitted to – I Went To Heaven – Poetry Contest sponsor – Laura Urbaniak