I Was Four and Happy All the Time
I will always be your daddy he said
Throwing me in the air, catching me.
Liked daddies do.
Swinging me up into his arms,
Hugging me as I clung to his side
Like daughters do
I was four and wanted to marry him
I was four and loved dandelions and my daddy
I was four, and happy all of the time
But that was the last time I saw him.
Until I was ten
And then I only saw him for about six minutes
When I dropped off an envelope for my mother
His face was angry
And he had gotten mean.
I tried to hug him like daughters do
But I was pushed away
He had a new family
I was a throw-away-girl
It was the first time I knew
For my mother had
protected me from this
She had saved me from knowing
She had kept his memory safe inside me
In a good way, so I could stay happy.
She had sacrificed her own feelings to raise me up
So she could nurture me, her daughter, with hope
And optimism that my Daddy still loved me.
Like a good mother does.
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