I Want To Be Free

I've always yearned to be free, Free in my mind, Free in my soul, Free in my heart, Just free. I remember a moment in Venice, Strolling along, Sun setting, In the distance, people dancing, Music playing, Those people were free. I found myself drifting away, Towards the crowd, And I joined, Arms open, dancing, Just dancing, Eyes closed, Moving my body in pure freedom. I was free, Soaring higher into the sky, With the birds, Lost within myself, Carefree, Just free. I want to be free, I want my mind to explore the unknown, I don't want to sink into a comatose state, But that's what they expect, Quiet, Calm, Afraid of my thoughts, Afraid of my freedom, What are they afraid of? The fear of being free, I'm trapped. I find myself craving solitude, My words don't connect, I'm confused, My dreams are vivid, They wake me at night, and I fear sleep, My dreams trouble me, What's their purpose? Who am I? I'm asking myself that question again, Who am I? I am Paul, Or at least, a different version of myself, I hover somewhere, searching for myself, Striving to be the free, peaceful person I once was, My thoughts are draining me, I want to soar again. It's been nearly six years, I went from riches to rags, I had everything I ever wanted, Now, I want something else, But what is it? How do I find it? By returning to the world of men? I don't want that, I need to get lost once more, I want to find myself, But I'm married, And I have responsibilities to others, But what about my responsibility to me? I come first, But if I put myself first, others are upset, I have to please everyone, I have to wear a smile when I'm sad, I have to be happy when I'm not, I have to shower when I want to retreat within myself, I need to be free, Something to free my mind. But now I have to work, More responsibilities I don't desire, I want to take care of only myself, Am I selfish? Sometimes I am, and I believe it's okay, Why wouldn't it be? The essence of life is freedom, Freedom from the trappings of mankind, Freedom from people, I want to be alone, Without the drugs that ensnare me ~ Pauly G