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Poem
I've always yearned to be free,
Free in my mind,
Free in my soul,
Free in my heart,
Just free.

I remember a moment in Venice,
Strolling along,
Sun setting,
In the distance, people dancing,
Music playing,
Those people were free.

I found myself drifting away,
Towards the crowd,
And I joined,
Arms open, dancing,
Just dancing,
Eyes closed,
Moving my body in pure freedom.

I was free,
Soaring higher into the sky,
With the birds,
Lost within myself,
Carefree,
Just free.

I want to be free,
I want my mind to explore the unknown,
I don't want to sink into a comatose state,
But that's what they expect,
Quiet,
Calm,
Afraid of my thoughts,
Afraid of my freedom,
What are they afraid of?
The fear of being free,
I'm trapped.

I find myself craving solitude,
My words don't connect,
I'm confused,
My dreams are vivid,
They wake me at night, and I fear sleep,
My dreams trouble me,
What's their purpose?
Who am I?
I'm asking myself that question again,
Who am I?

I am Paul,
Or at least, a different version of myself,
I hover somewhere, searching for myself,
Striving to be the free, peaceful person I once was,
My thoughts are draining me,
I want to soar again.

It's been nearly six years,
I went from riches to rags,
I had everything I ever wanted,
Now, I want something else,
But what is it?
How do I find it?
By returning to the world of men?
I don't want that,
I need to get lost once more,
I want to find myself,
But I'm married,
And I have responsibilities to others,
But what about my responsibility to me?
I come first,
But if I put myself first, others are upset,
I have to please everyone,
I have to wear a smile when I'm sad,
I have to be happy when I'm not,
I have to shower when I want to retreat within myself,
I need to be free,
Something to free my mind.

But now I have to work,
More responsibilities I don't desire,
I want to take care of only myself,
Am I selfish?
Sometimes I am, and I believe it's okay,
Why wouldn't it be?
The essence of life is freedom,
Freedom from the trappings of mankind,
Freedom from people,
I want to be alone,
Without the drugs that ensnare me

~ Pauly G
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