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I Want To Be a Nutcracker

"I want to be a nutcracker!"
Came my announcement one day.
I won't need the strength of a linebacker
to make my chosen profession pay.

"I want to be a nutcracker!"
Grasping them tight like in a vise.
Even the big ones, I'd call a 'wacker.'
I might have to squeeze those twice.

"I want to be a nutcracker!"
Those that are ripe enough for picking.
With every blow, I'd be the attacker,
getting all the sweet meat by pricking.

"I want to be a nutcracker!"
It's a job at which I'd excel.
I'd earn the title, 'Best Nut Smacker,'
when they shout, "That hurt like hell!!"

"I want to be a nutcracker!"
I'd be picky ‘bout the ones I'd choose.
No one would ever call me a 'hacker,'
for when I'm done, there'd never be a bruise.



*Thank you, Caren Krutsinger, for graciously agreeing to allow me the use of your title.  We took different forks at the crossroad. ;-)

Copyright © Lin Lane | Year Posted 2023

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Tom Cunningham Date: 9/28/2023 7:09:00 AM Lol, great writing Lin, I've got about five of them I display at Christmas. I'll be careful when I walk by as I'll be remembering your poem haha. Tom Login to Reply Lin Lane Date: 9/28/2023 7:15:00 AM Good idea, Tom. I suggest you put them above waist level! And for gosh sakes… Don’t get one that looks to be a female! Thanks for the read and comments.

Mike Gentile Date: 9/27/2023 4:44:00 AM Love it Lin!!! It took me a second admittedly as 'tis not yet the season! But then it's always the season. lol!! This was fun! Happy Wednesday xxpp and keep cracking'!! Login to Reply Lin Lane Date: 9/27/2023 4:50:00 AM Oh Mike. I love it when the light is turned on. If I’d posted at Christmas, it would’ve fallen far short of its real meaning. Thanks for making me smile. Happy Wednesday to you, too!

Tania Kitchin Date: 9/26/2023 4:17:00 PM Lin, ha ha, fun and a bit bawdy, enjoyed! Login to Reply Lin Lane Date: 9/26/2023 4:26:00 PM Should I label it “bawdy?” Nah… I’ll plead the 5th if anyone assumes it’s off-color. I think her bold colors are appropriate. Lol Tania. Fun comment.

Deb M Date: 9/26/2023 12:52:00 PM Nice one Lin….a mighty nutcracker you would be!! Debx Login to Reply Lin Lane Date: 9/26/2023 12:56:00 PM I would give them my best shot, Deb. Thanks.

Jeff Connelly Date: 9/26/2023 12:40:00 PM A myriad of thoughts in reply ran through my head; most of which ran away in happy laughter, Lin. I actually have one of those pictured nutcracker fellows somewhere in the house; though your photo looks somewhat like a woman from a burlesque show... Hmm... Login to Reply Lin Lane Date: 9/26/2023 12:45:00 PM Ohhh, she is DEFINITELY a woman! That's the whole premise and plot of being a 'nut cracker.' Happy you laughed at these not-so-subtle lines.

Jan Allison Date: 9/26/2023 12:09:00 PM omg Lin I laughed from start to finish and the pic is freakin hilarious. Caren is inspirational in the way she posted ten qualify poems every day without fail I wish i could borrow her muse Trixie:-) hugs Jan xx Login to Reply Lin Lane Date: 9/26/2023 12:35:00 PM I dunno about borrowing Trixie. She's kind of temperamental. haha Caren is overlooked by most poets, and that's their loss because her sense of humor and most of all, her imagination is levels above anyone I've found in PS. She, too had a special relationship with Milt. I want to stay in touch with her. Thanks for laughing at my "nutty" verses. The pic made me laugh, too.