I Want

I never wanted to be
Those people single at 30.
I feared resemblance
of the tv shows and movies.

I dreamed of being
One of the lucky ones. 

Meet in our 20s,
Fall in love
And find out 
I’m worth it.

I wish for friendship
And invites over,
Maybe even ‘Can I come’
That make people question
What the relationship is.

I want phone calls,
Where ‘hey you’ 
Is laced 
With meaning. 

Sitting in the room,
With no plans
Until the phone rings
And I’m told we’re going out.

Spontaneous drives,
A proper date,
Messy talks 
That turn to trust.

I dream of 
Handwritten notes,
Flowers if they wish,
But effort nonetheless. 

Showing up unannounced,
With a smile of confidence
Because the parentals 
Seem to adore you. 

Late night drives
When I fight with my sister,
Or the household is getting too much
And you just let me cry.
No complaints,
Just simple understanding.

I crave a hand reaching out,
Someone holding me with purpose.
Their arms secure around me,
And forehead kisses.

I want that confusion 
When we’re out
And I ask how you know that.
You’ll say ‘Because I know you.’
And you’ll tell me
The little things you’ve noticed;
The ones nobody else has. 
You’ll know me like the back of your hand. 

I want the chance to be myself
Without feeling like it’s wrong. 
I want comfortable silence
Where I’m not accused
Of never speaking. 

I want that moment
Where we share earbuds,
The intimacy of music
Between us. 

I want the inside jokes
Where we share a look
And burst into laughter
With everyone confused.

I want ‘let me know when you’re home’,
Falling asleep in your company,
The secret sharing at 3a.m. when we can’t sleep,
And your dog getting excited when I walk in. 

That ‘it made me think of you’
That makes my heart flutter. 
You offer your jacket
And it smells of you.
You don’t let me return it,
You’ve got plenty.

Sharing food,
Or knowing orders.
You offer me your chips
Even though it’s your favourite. 

I wish for a love so deep,
So fond and so kind.
Real, raw, and open
That the world will be jealous.
A love where I feel safe,
Happy and secure.

I want what they have.
Before I hit 30.

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