I Think My Wife Is a Vampire
I think my wife is a vampire,
My body shivers with fright;
For some apparent reason,
She stays up late at night!
Last week, she ordered a steak,
I gazed in stunning awe;
She took one peek at the menu,
And wanted it nearly raw!
No longer a "bubbly" red head,
She's dyed her hair to black;
Freedom of expression's one thing,
But I don't want a heart attack!
Candles adorn the hallway,
My emotions are withdrawn;
She always wants to stay inside,
Fearing the break of dawn!
Eerie are the days before me,
Curiosity fails to escape;
"Sweetie, are you gothic?"
"What's up with the cape?!
I wanna make a stand,
To show the wife who's boss;
One question stirs inside of me,
"Does she fear a cross?"
Changes right before my eyes,
What's happening to my honey?
Not only is she different,
Her voice sounds rather funny!
I want her to see a doctor,
My goal's to do what's right;
No longer does she kiss my neck,
Instead, she tries to bite!
She disappears in the mirror,
Her skin is white as snow;
What's happenin' to my sweetie?
She's lost that heavenly glow!
Maybe I'll hire an exorcist,
Give me a moment to think;
Is it just my imagination,
Or is it I who needs a shrink?!
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