I Succeeded

There is one blade Two tears Three drops of blood I look down to see I reach out to touch There are four screams Five memories I’m triggered again I can feel my hands shake They need to cut and pain Agony fills my soul Six little whispers I feel insane Seven different emotions I smile and wear my sleeves long I cut in the dead of night So mum doesn’t listen Eight times I almost died Eight times I was revived Nine times I wished that they would let me die My eyes are not blue They are black with demons My heart does not beat It is frozen with terror Ten times I’ve laid in the dark To afraid to open my eyes I’ve carved the words so deep into my arms That they are scars forever Eleven, eleven times I saw the devil’s face It was as if with every slice he appeared With every drop he grinned Twelve times I looked to God Screaming profanity And now, it is all over I lay on the floor Surrounded by weapons My arms are numb One time I succeeded Once I was dead