Caren Krutsinger Poet Free verse

I Stand Here

I stand here in front of myself, yelling, stop.
Loudly, authoritatively, sometimes meanly.
Because I know the damage I can do with an angry face, or a disappointed demeanor, worst of all, an “I-hate-you” stance.  
Releasing myself not in the least, standing here, holding myself back, forcing myself to take another look at my body language. I could cause an acapolypse by simply showing that I am enraged, outraged, hurt or disappointed.
So I stand here, in front of my true real self, with both hands out, holding fast. Fingers straight up, palms out, slowing my “I am so mad” side from doing the emotional damage I know I am capable of doing.

I am a teacher, a school counselor, a role model to children who are hypervigilant, smarter than many of the adults they are saddled with, and miss nothing.  They watch my actions and reactions all day long.
They have to know that I love them every single second of every single day, and that I have their backs, and I appreciate them and respect them no matter how diabolically mean they behave, no matter how their actions and reactions can completely infuriate me.

This is why I stand here, in front of myself, holding my reptilian reactive brain back behind my thinking brain.

Written 10-06-2018                                          Contest: I Stand Here
                                                                             Sponsor: Craig Cornish

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Sandra Haight October 7, 2018 at 3:11 PM I like where you took the theme, Caren! What a good teacher has to do to be a role model and supportive mentor, is to be admired, and I commend you for being one! Notwithstanding, even doing your 'homework' to perfect it! Best wishes for the contest. Hugs, Sandra Caren Krutsinger October 7, 2018 at 7:09 PM Thank you Sandra. I do give it my best try as much as I can. I have such a non-poker-playing-face I really have to CONTROL myself so HARD sometimes.

Eve Roper October 6, 2018 at 7:25 PM What we go through to protect our children and those around us. Enjoyed reading ... good luck in the contest Caren Krutsinger October 7, 2018 at 6:21 AM Thank you Eve. I had about eight ideas on what to do with this beginning, so you may see more of these.

Rhona Mcferran October 6, 2018 at 2:39 PM Awesome write, my friend... we all need to do this sometimes! (I only wish everyone realized this.) Caren Krutsinger October 6, 2018 at 3:21 PM I realize it so fast when I am around the kindergarteners. At least three burst out and begin sob-crying if I make any kind of a frown at all, even a teeny tiny of a mouth turn down accidentally.