I Stand Here

I stand here in front of myself, yelling, stop. Loudly, authoritatively, sometimes meanly. Because I know the damage I can do with an angry face, or a disappointed demeanor, worst of all, an “I-hate-you” stance. Releasing myself not in the least, standing here, holding myself back, forcing myself to take another look at my body language. I could cause an acapolypse by simply showing that I am enraged, outraged, hurt or disappointed. So I stand here, in front of my true real self, with both hands out, holding fast. Fingers straight up, palms out, slowing my “I am so mad” side from doing the emotional damage I know I am capable of doing. I am a teacher, a school counselor, a role model to children who are hypervigilant, smarter than many of the adults they are saddled with, and miss nothing. They watch my actions and reactions all day long. They have to know that I love them every single second of every single day, and that I have their backs, and I appreciate them and respect them no matter how diabolically mean they behave, no matter how their actions and reactions can completely infuriate me. This is why I stand here, in front of myself, holding my reptilian reactive brain back behind my thinking brain. Written 10-06-2018 Contest: I Stand Here Sponsor: Craig Cornish