Alex Duffy Poet Free verse

I Should Miss You But I Don'T

I should cry for you but I won't 
You were never there when I needed guidance or support 
You were never by my side, so I had to stand by myself and sometimes I fell short 
I know I should miss you but I don't 

This is a letter to my biological sperm donor, and I have a lot to say
You didn't seem to think I was worthy to be a part of your story just a few chapters in
Why have a child, if you're not going to look after him? 
You wouldn't even play football with me in the park, you'd always make an excuse and tell me we could do it another day

You and mum were too busy fighting and drinking, so I got took into the care system 
Which I hated at the time, but looking back it was the best decision 
you didn't even get me a card for my birthday's
You should have been there to advise me before I went on my first date

How to approach my first crush, or to pick me up when I would fall
I got to see you six times a year, but I never received one phone call
Sometimes you would turn up drunk and make the whole contact about yourself 
I was sitting in the same room and wishing I could be anywhere else

Thanks to you, I was living a nightmare, as a kid having a nice dream was rare 
Because your son needed his dad but you didn't seem to care 
I have to wonder why I wasn't enough for you
I'd bottle up all of my pain until I would explode, scream and swear 

You died 5 days before I turned 15 but I didn't feel sad or down
I looked at it, like at least now you finally have a genuine excuse for not being around 
Some will say I'm wrong for writing this, but you can't miss what you never had 
I grew stronger from fathering myself, so thank you for making me raise myself and be my own dad

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Pandita Sietesantos July 22, 2019 at 9:47 PM Hi Alex, this heartfelt piece broke my heart! No child should have to feel this kind of pain, that comes from neglect and abandonment! I am hoping this is not your story because I would hate to think you experienced the level of hurt and pain expressed in this dark, emotive, well-penned piece! Hugs and love. Pandita Alex Duffy July 23, 2019 at 12:31 AM I agree that no child should have to feel this kind of pain, but sometimes it makes us grow up to be stronger adults. It is my story unfortunately, but it made me a lot stronger, and made me realise my own strengths. Thank you, I'm glad you liked it. Hugs and love to you too :)