I Should Miss You But I Don'T
I should cry for you but I won't
You were never there when I needed guidance or support
You were never by my side, so I had to stand by myself and sometimes I fell short
I know I should miss you but I don't
This is a letter to my biological sperm donor, and I have a lot to say
You didn't seem to think I was worthy to be a part of your story just a few chapters in
Why have a child, if you're not going to look after him?
You wouldn't even play football with me in the park, you'd always make an excuse and tell me we could do it another day
You and mum were too busy fighting and drinking, so I got took into the care system
Which I hated at the time, but looking back it was the best decision
you didn't even get me a card for my birthday's
You should have been there to advise me before I went on my first date
How to approach my first crush, or to pick me up when I would fall
I got to see you six times a year, but I never received one phone call
Sometimes you would turn up drunk and make the whole contact about yourself
I was sitting in the same room and wishing I could be anywhere else
Thanks to you, I was living a nightmare, as a kid having a nice dream was rare
Because your son needed his dad but you didn't seem to care
I have to wonder why I wasn't enough for you
I'd bottle up all of my pain until I would explode, scream and swear
You died 5 days before I turned 15 but I didn't feel sad or down
I looked at it, like at least now you finally have a genuine excuse for not being around
Some will say I'm wrong for writing this, but you can't miss what you never had
I grew stronger from fathering myself, so thank you for making me raise myself and be my own dad
Copyright © Alex Duffy | Year Posted 2019
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