I Remember, For Here I Am

Here I am laying in this hospital bed again. Staring out the window with tears rolling down. I remembrance of all the promises and plans we made. I remember your face when I told you, I remember your face when I said yes. I remember the words you spoke, when you said you’ll never leave. I remember the panic in your voice, the heartache when I told you. I remember sitting on the floor, crying in your arms after I told you. I remember the second day after, you being so weird and off, you never change, you never do anything out of schedule and yet you did that day. I remember the next time seeing you, you being so distant and cold I remember when the moments my heart shattered to dust when you uttered a simple sentence. Here I am, crying on a strangers shoulder, a nurse who is showing me more care than you. You’ve broke up with me before, left me alone but it never lasted. You never left me alone for long. And yet this time, you moved on before we were even over. You found comfort in another women’s soul, while I couldn’t even find comfort in my own father’s arms. Here I am dying inside when you’re so happy. Here I am, begging God to let my love for the devil turn to pure hatred. Here I am, fighting my nurses and doctors to just stop the meds and let me die. Here I am being told I need surgery, to remove the decaying carcass from my womb Here I am, alone and scared, defeated and destroyed, while you’re happy and content. I’m back in my bed, looking out the window again. Again so alone, it horribly suffocates my chest, squeezing the breath from my lungs. Every car I see, every car that looks like you, a stupid hope flies through me. Every time I see its not you, my heart shatters more and more. Piece by piece. Slowly turning to dust.