I Promise

To my dearest, On this day you turn thirteen, officially a teenager! This meaning you are on the very first stage of discovering yourself, your music tastes, your food preferences, your style of clothing and even having your own social circle. At this point, I have it figured out; I know your gender, your name, your favorite food, your shoe size, your favorite school subject, etc. There is still a few Years, or months or weeks before we meet, and I’m just too excited. Although you were unexpected, you are very expected; makes since? No? well, you were expected, I have been wanting to adopt for some time, more like since I found out I was adopted myself. Unexpected, meaning I don’t know your traits, I only know you are mine, and that is enough. With all that being said I thought it was time to explain a little on why I have been this way towards you, because just like my mother, she never really gave me closure, and I’m giving this to you. But before we begin, I want to tell you that I love you with all my being, and that I’m so sorry. I’m sorry that I decided to adopt you knowing the family has already been ripped apart to the point of no return. Although you will have no grandma, no uncles or aunts, I promise your dads family will be enough and if that does not cut it, then we have each other, because after all you are my child and no one will take that from me. I promise to love you forever. I promise to fill you up with love as every part of your body is developing, I will enrich your mind. Your bones are stretching, your eye sight clearer, and you are full of love although in all honesty you could only eat and sleep. I will whisper “I love you” into your tiny ear as I sing mommy’s lullaby to aid your sleep. Just as you go to sleep hearing my voice, you will wake up with the soft voice telling you good morning. All this because I want to give you what my mother fell off on, love. I promise not to show you how terrified I am to let you go. As I enroll you to preschool, and elementary I cannot help but get those butterflies you get as well. Mommy will not let you go through this alone. If I could have kept you in a bubble or in my pocket, I would. Nevertheless, I refuse to make you scared of reality; I refuse to blindfold you as my mother did me. You will go through some middle school, and will grow so much. With the help of mommy, social media and your social network, you will start to figure yourself out. It will be a whole different phase of life. Your perception will change. The way your eyes seem to Conform to your surrounding will be changed. There will be kids who do not understand your name, and how Captivating and peculiar it is. The kids will seem to only judge you for what you look, over or underweight, and will never seem to be pleased. There will be times of questioning your sexuality, as your palms get sweaty as you focus on the girl/boy in class, or both. You will slowly start to notice that you are driven by emotions and not by reason. As you will quickly find out that it is just a chapter in your life. I promise to never let you down. I have been with you through the easy parts of life, and now we are entering adolescence. I have held your hand throughout the beginning phase, and now, I will let you go. As you get a bit older, and enter high school, you will see that high school does not get any better. I promise to be by your side as you question yourself. You will learn that there is no such thing as friends and that if you happen to find one, they will not stick around for long. You will most likely go through breakups and or heartaches. You might find a good circle of “friends” or a bad one, you might be asked to join the “cool kids” and make fun of the kid who still wears glasses and braces, or you might just be that kid. You might fall behind; D’s or straight A’s. I promise to prepare you mentally. You might get so far behind, you fall into this deep self-thought and you will feel emotionless; and start to question yourself or me. Nevertheless, I will be there to hold you, just as I did when you were days, weeks, and months old. I will continue to hold you because you are my child and no one will take you away from me. Being a rebel will be written all over your name, but you will have learned to respect your parent’s teachers and classmates, most importantly yourself. You will have learned the meaning of words and how either good or positive they can be, or how destroying they can become. I promise to always trust you, as you will have learned to trust me. My advice is to keep close whom you love, never shut your doors. Walk through life with true intentions and don’t be cowardly enough to change your ways. Do not let your emotions drive you and making promises only when reachable. Only pack what you can carry. Mommy packed a lot that she could not seem to close the luggage. You could be the sweetest brightest sunshine, but there will always be that person that hates the sun. My last and most important advice to you is, never give up what you want most over what you want now. I promise to do what’s best for you. With all that said, mommy had it rough. Mommy did not have parents, siblings, or moral support. Mommy wanted that helping hand, which got it from our creator. Although mommy wished she had her own mommy whom told her she loved her, you do. Although mommy worked to get what she needed at your age, you won’t. Mommy could probably make some mistakes along the way, because just like you, mommy is only human. I won’t be the perfect mommy, but I will always try. I promise to make you feel wanted. I won’t brush you off as you get back from school and spill all that drama, I won’t get mad if you get bad grades, mommy wont gets mad if you ask, and mommy will never make you feel like the outcast. I love you, you are my family, my child. Adoption will never be an excuse; adoption is not a title or a label. It’s your blessing and mommy’s blessing. You are not alone; mommy was also adopted. Mommy loves you and that is all that matters. The devotion of being your mommy is the foundation of who I am. I love you.