I Know You Wont Believe Me, But

Good morning my dear, are you still awake? Yes, I know it's quite late but let me make it quite clear its not entirely my fault, I was caught in the rain by the Old Town Vault and the windscreen sploshers failed to function so I pulled off the road at the next junction and into the car park at the Wig and Pen to wait out the storm and that is when old Charlie Parker saw me and said, "It makes more sense to wait inside instead." So I thought, what's the harm? I'll just have a half so, there we both were just having a larf when who should walk in but old Freddie Squeers, so we ended up having another few beers. Time hurried on and before I knew it we were joined by my old school chum, Danny Blewitt. By this time the rain was still hammering down so we all decided to stay put and drown our sorrows and right the world and its ills, with whiskey chasers as well as the Pils. I know not how it happened but suddenly then, we were no longer sitting in the Wig and Pen but appeared to be at the Crown and Mitre, the good news being the rain was lighter. And so we moved on to the Dog and Gun, but I was coerced, that's the honest truth hun! At the Feisty Ferret we all called a cab and, whilst we waited, we went for a kebab. Those lads from Turkey weren't up for a joke and asked old Freddie to kindly not smoke. He quipped were they ISIS, or the town Taliban and that's when the trouble really began. We all got arrested and were let out on bail, still, it could have been worse, we could still be in jail. I can see you're angry, the way you're looking at me. Is it too much to ask for a nice cup of tea? - Please?