I Know He Controls Me But What Do I Do

I honestly know that I want him in my life But when push comes to shove im always the one that gets the knife I always get hurt and feel bad Im always the one that is trying to please him by not getting mad He treats me bad by pushing me around and telling me what to do Even if its me flat out crying if that is what it comes to I know he doesn’t respect me at all But I cant say stop so I bring up another subject to try and stall He wants me to trust him and be there But when I need him he just looks at me with a big stare