I hope someone loves me

Not love me till I annoy him with how ugly I look. Not love me till I beg him to be honest about my body. Not love me till I question whether I look pretty I Not. Not love me till I can not show him myself without make up. Not love me till I can not be myself through messages. I want love that makes me excited to use the expensive lipstick, even though he is already living in the same house as me. Sleeps in the same bed. And sleeps the whole night. That we both did the same bad and now together try our best I want somebody to love me, not till I feel bad to tell him that I feel cruel, but that I can tell him I don't like to eat and he offers to eat with me something light even if it might just be water, and he tells me too how he feels. Even though we both argue sometimes and are at our Limits until we sigh, I would be happy that I was able to look in his eyes and still be annoyed than like always, start crying and feeling like it was my fault. Sometimes the wounds your fist makes on your hands for holding them too firm for too long, are the ones you talk about it but forget. The wounds your tears make through your face though, you can not see them but they leave your face Red at the moment, and silently, drain your brain. I want my future husband to love me and like me. I do not want my husband to feel obligated to love me. There is no thing like screaming at eachothers faces, there is no thing like making eachother cry. Like that, we are just, screaming at *our* faces, making *us* cry.