I fear my own feelings
A shield of ice, a fortress built within,
To quell the storm, the chaos from within.
Dissociation's touch, a chilling grace,
That stills the pain, erases time and space.
But at what cost, this fragile, frozen peace?
Emotions numb, a solace that won't cease.
The warmth of love, a distant, fading light,
Replaced by void, a desolate, cold night.
A terrifying prospect, to feel once more,
To crack the ice, and open every door.
A fear profound, a darkness deep inside,
Where torrents rage, a hidden, surging tide.
Destructive whispers, lurking in the deep,
A fear of flaws, a promise not to weep.
For in the void, a fragile sense of calm,
A fleeting respite from the haunting psalm.
But shadows dance, and voices fill the air,
A constant threat, a burden hard to bear.
The battle waits, a fight for every breath,
Should feelings rise, a struggle against death.
To feel is to be vulnerable, they say,
To risk the flood, to lose control, to sway.
Yet in the numbness, a prison I reside,
A fractured soul, where hope cannot abide.
Oh, to find a balance, a gentler way,
To feel and heal, and meet the coming day.
To tame the storm, to embrace the pain,
And find the strength to rise and live again.
Inspired by talking to a physiotherapist and her asking me why I'm holding on to the numbness. This is my response. Because I'm scared of having to deal with my illness.
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