I Do Not Want To Be Afraid Anymore

I want to be your guardian. I want to be your resort when you're at you're lowest, I want to be the wings to lift you to a safe haven. I want to be the only existing thought in your head at night before you fall asleep. I want to be the one to make you happy with yourself. I want to fold you up and embrace every fiber of your being. I want to protect you from everything, including yourself and me. I do not want to be the object holding you back in life. I do not want to be what you waste your time on, doing all of the above mentioned things, when you could be spending your time on meaningful things. Such as loving yourself. I do not want you to know as much as you do about me, my weaknesses, the struggles I face daily with myself and my inner demons. I do not want you to know these things because I'm scared. I'm scared of you using these against me some day. I should be afraid, or at least I think I should, because that's all that everyone else has taught me to be. I do not want to be afraid anymore. Of course I really do want to be what you waste your time on, and of course I really do want you to know all the things you know about me, I'm just afraid. I do not want to be afraid anymore.. I thought being with you would fix me, would mend my broken pieces. I was wrong. You can help me, but only I can entirely fix myself. I am afraid. I'm afraid of change, I'm afraid of being so dependent on you. I do not want to be afraid anymore. I guess I don't know what I want. Because the only thing I've spent my time on wanting for the last year at least, is you. Every little thing about you down to the cute little mole above the right side of your lip. The little hairs that develop on your chin if you don't shave for a couple of days. Everything about you drives me crazy. You possess all the things I look for in a person and I didn't even know I wanted all of those things until I met you. You've treated me better than I ever imagined I deserved to be treated. I could never fathom I deserved to be treated with such kindness, because all I've ever known is the hatred from myself. I don't know what I would do without you in my life. I'm scared of what would happen if you weren't there. I do not want to be afraid anymore. Hopefully, I don't have to be.