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I Confessed To a Cold Blooded Murder

I‘ll confess to a cold blooded murder
I’ve gone down that deep dark path
But I simply had no other alternative
With an intruder lurking in my bath

I had shouted out to my husband
But that action was no darn use
He’d popped out to the local shop
To get us much needed cow juice

The trespasser was so evil looking
With eight legs and eight beady eyes
I tried to scoop it with a damp flannel
These house breakers I really despise

The intruder planned his escape
With eight legs oh boy he could run
He hovered over the plug hole
This interloper had had his fun

So I flushed him right down the plughole
I’ve never committed murder before
I’d hurriedly disposed of his body
When I heard  hubby’s key in the door

I immediately confessed to a murder
and my hubby dashed to the crime scene
But there hiding under the plug hole
was a spider that looked really clean!

So my dastardly deed had a happy ending
and a day in the court I won’t be attending!

Favourite poem from June 2018 contest
Sponsored by broken wings aka dear heart

6/7/18

Copyright © Jan Allison | Year Posted 2018

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Gayle Rodd Date: 7/13/2018 11:49:00 PM Lol! Great verse for everyone (but perhaps the murder victim!) Login to Reply

Paul Callus Date: 6/11/2018 3:16:00 PM That's when having 8 limbs comes in handy, Jan! I bet the spider has now set up a weaving business in the garden:) Hugs // paul Login to Reply Jan Allison Date: 6/11/2018 6:15:00 PM ha ha ha Paul he is welcome to weave anywhere in the garden but the bath is mine and I will not share with a creepy crawly ////00\\\\ lol:-) hugs jan xx

Line Gauthier Date: 6/9/2018 7:50:00 PM Some hero - out getting cow juice! Some days you just have to commit your own bloody murders !! Superbly done, Jan. A FAVE for me. Your humour is impeccable. Login to Reply Jan Allison Date: 6/10/2018 4:08:00 AM Thanks Line especially for the fave:-) There was a lot of peotic licence in the poem - he was actually helping our friend at his church but getting moo juice rhymed better, of course it could have been left me in the lurch and rhyming with church lol:-) hugs Jan xx

Pat Adams Date: 6/9/2018 3:03:00 PM This is really funny. Cow juice? I love it and of course it rhymes!!! It's good for the spider he survived but they do have nine lives you know!.....oh wait...never mind! great poem Jan!! Login to Reply Jan Allison Date: 6/9/2018 4:29:00 PM cow juice rhymed much better than milk - hubby was actually helping our friend who is a pastor at a local church but going for milk sounded better and poetic licence is allowed lol:-) hugs jan xx

Charles Messina Date: 6/8/2018 2:44:00 PM He lives another day! You had me for a minute Jan, I thought for sure you murdered him...lol Have a great weekend...Hugs // Charlie Login to Reply Jan Allison Date: 6/8/2018 2:49:00 PM Thanks Charlie:-) hugs Jan xx

Sara Kendrick Date: 6/8/2018 10:49:00 AM Cute one. Enjoyed reading your work. I like the way it changed from seriousness to humor. Sara Login to Reply Jan Allison Date: 6/8/2018 11:26:00 AM Thanks Sara:-) hugs Jan xx

Arturo Michael Date: 6/8/2018 7:08:00 AM A toilet bath...some shampoo would have untangled its hairs...Nice one Jan Login to Reply Jan Allison Date: 6/8/2018 7:10:00 AM ha ha ha now I would be flushed with success if I got rid of him down the loo lol:-) hugs jan xx

Fauxcroft Wade Date: 6/8/2018 6:03:00 AM Ah a travesty to many for who Charlotte's Web resonates so deeply lol Me on the other hand have been occasionally guilty of such a crime. Brilliant poem, cleverly written. Faux Login to Reply Jan Allison Date: 6/8/2018 6:24:00 AM Glad I'm not the only guilty one:-) hugs Jan xx

Mick Talbot Date: 6/7/2018 9:31:00 PM Never killed one, always captured and released. Non the less I love your poem, needless to say a very catchy title, expected to read fiction when I got to the end. LOL. A tip if it happens again, hang a towel over the side of the bath so the monster can reach it and climb out itself, or wait till its half way up then fold the towel over it, take it outside and shake it free. hugs Mick Login to Reply Jan Allison Date: 6/8/2018 3:24:00 AM Thanks for the tip ... but then the little monster is still lurking on the floor lol - there is a deal of poetic licence hubby was actually helping out our friend who is a pastor at a local church - he could have prayed for the spider lol. I should do a poem about the day I ended up at A & E because of a spider - I was only about 6 lol - and that is a true story!:-) hugs Jan xx

Ralph Sergi Date: 6/7/2018 5:31:00 PM Speaking as a mass murderer of many flies in my youth., I hesitate to squash a mosquito on my arm since I'm immune. Your beautiful poem has given me a conscience! My compliments , Jan Login to Reply Jan Allison Date: 6/7/2018 5:53:00 PM Your comment made me smile Ralph. I've only been bitten by mozzis once and that was in Malta and Victor advised me to rub lemon juice on the bite and it worked perfectly:-) hugs Jan xx

Anne-Lise Andresen Date: 6/7/2018 2:52:00 PM - I have to admit ... I am guilty of two similar murders today :) .... - Even with these nasty eight legs animals you (kill) ... I mean writes with humor as always :) - Love it, Jan :))) - hugs // Anne-Lise :) Login to Reply Jan Allison Date: 6/7/2018 3:16:00 PM Thanks Anne Lise - i admit to a little poetic licence in the end of the poem:-) hugs Jan xx

Mike Gentile Date: 6/7/2018 2:10:00 PM I would commit murder too Jan, ( in that case) such a fun poem. Really had a chuckle which I saw what was coming Happy Thursday xxoo Login to Reply Jan Allison Date: 6/7/2018 3:15:00 PM Thanks Mike... there is a hint of poetic licence too lol:-) hugs jan xx

Daniel Turner Date: 6/7/2018 10:26:00 AM In the case of some spiders, it's kill or be killed! I love the humor, Jan. Spiders belong outside! Login to Reply Jan Allison Date: 6/7/2018 12:43:00 PM Got to agree with you DT and the bath is not something I want to share with one of these ////00\\\\ ugh:-( hugs jan xx

Tom Cunningham Date: 6/7/2018 10:08:00 AM I saw the title and I thought what has she done.lol, I'm the nominated spider catcher in my house, one thing I've noticed is they seem to be getting bigger and with teeth.haha I think you are allowed to use reasonable force now with intruders. Failing that I would have sent you a cake with a file in it. Great verse Jan. Login to Reply Jan Allison Date: 6/7/2018 12:42:00 PM ha ha ha They definitely are getting bigger I am sure it was training to be a tarantula lol:-) hugs jan xx

Lin Lane Date: 6/7/2018 9:41:00 AM LOL at your cow juice. Why is it flushing the critters down the drain doesn't do the job? I'm glad I won't have to visit you in jail, but I'm left wondering... what happened to the spider? Login to Reply Jan Allison Date: 6/7/2018 12:41:00 PM The spider now has a snorkel and flippers lol:-) hugs jan xx