I Caught the Clams

It started out as a mild itch Within the next few hours, my eyes began to twitch So I go to a Doctor named Damon Willis He examines me and asks me have I heard of country singer named Mel Tillis I tell ye and ask why such an odd question he had to ask Then he asks me do I drink Brandy and if so, is it from a flask I tell him alcohol is not one of my disabilities He says I am just trying to narrow down the possibilities Then he asks did I recently eat Poppy Seed Bread with Strawberry Jam while listening to Georse Michaels or his former group Wham I was stunned and said yes, he replied you have contracted The Clams He writes out a prescription for a cream Then he tells me I must brush my teeth with the toothpaste Gleem Then he says twice a year I must bathe in the waters of the Hoover Dam I know now which of my honies gave me the clams It was Phyllis who made this combination possible to set in this affliction To eat the Poppy Seed Bread with Strawberry Jam has become and addiction So I use some of my inheritance from my parents will To pay this Doctor the medical bill After I paid it he disappeared, it was all a scam To find out there was no such thing as the clams So now I am sitting and waiting for illegals to cross the border So I can charge our Government to diagnose this disorder I charge a huge bill as I feed these illegals some Dristan Most of them have the crabs already, but I will be happy to give them the clams