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I Broke Free

What happened to the man I loved? Why did he lose himself?
The strong hold his demons had over him was tearing us apart   
Dilated pupils, slurred words, stupid grin worn when drinking,
a fool who staggers on his way until he's behind a closed door
I'll let it be for now, but putting up with it is becoming a chore

Mom died and I'd flown home to take care of all that mattered
Two hours at the airport before he arrived. At least he was alive
I asked for the keys;  he gave me that sly grin with a blank stare
I let it be. Can't reason with a drunk who's leaning on the car door
He reaked of peppermint schnapps.  Beneath my breath I swore

I drove home from work and found the usual 'hidden' tell-tale signs
top shelf of the pantry, another box in the shower, half eaten pizzas
He was clueless that the scent of pepperoni gave his addiction away
Not up for a confrontation so I didn't knock upon his fortress door
I had to let it be because I heard him snoring, passed out on the floor

What excuses he invented when it was time for him to go to work
"My allergies are acting up," with Kleenex up both sides of his nose
Or this, "My hair is not cooperating today so just go on without me"
When I got home I was alone. He, behind the damned locked door
I'd let him be, but I longed for the life that once held so much more

I found empty vodka bottles he thought hidden in places I'd not find
blueberry, peach, or tasty flavor of the week, under dresser drawers
He refused my begging pleas to get the help he needed, so I let it be
It's true; living with someone who keeps himself shut behind a door
is lonelier that living alone.  I loved him, but I was better off before.

Before he started drinking we were happy; quite a contented couple
But that changed when he abused me with angry words and actions
There was no satisfaction in walking away from the man I still loved
I couldn't say "let it be."  I wouldn't watch another inebriated encore
I said goodbye, trying not to cry. Tears fell when I closed the door

Copyright © Lin Lane | Year Posted 2017

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Arturo Michael Date: 8/15/2017 5:39:00 AM This must be real...It comes alive...I enjoyed reading Lin...Have a lovely day Login to Reply Lin Lane Date: 8/15/2017 6:05:00 AM Tragic but true. Thank you, Arturo.

Joanna Daniel Date: 8/14/2017 8:47:00 AM This is so sad, Lin, living with an addict can be difficult, only thing we can still do is pray for him:) the Lord alone can open his eyes to his weakness.. Login to Reply Lin Lane Date: 8/14/2017 9:10:00 AM I can't even pray for him, Jo. He's been disfellowshipped for worse. He'll have to ask God for forgiveness. Thanks for your thoughtfulness.

Ralph Sergi Date: 8/9/2017 9:26:00 PM Hi! Lin: A beautiful heartfelt poem. Alcoholism is like forced Dementia. We all have a life to live and you must enjoy it even if you spend it alone. I wish you well. Login to Reply Lin Lane Date: 8/14/2017 9:09:00 AM I'm fine now, Ralph, and thank you for your concern and comments. It took place several years ago, but memories remain.

Frederic Parker Date: 8/9/2017 8:30:00 PM Lin you've written quite an emotional poem, made me glad I don't drink, wouldn't want to put my wife through such loneliness... Login to Reply Lin Lane Date: 8/9/2017 8:34:00 PM She's fortunate that you're not addicted to the ugliness of alcoholism. It destroys so much more than just one life. Thank you for your kind remarks, Frederic.

Winged Warrior Date: 8/9/2017 6:08:00 PM Great penmanship...my dear lady Lin...god bless...^WW^ Login to Reply Lin Lane Date: 8/9/2017 8:32:00 PM Thank you, WW.

Ilene Bauer Date: 8/9/2017 4:41:00 PM beautifully and powerfully written, lin. this sounds like it really happened to you. if so, you did the brave and very difficult and very right thing by leaving... Login to Reply Lin Lane Date: 8/9/2017 8:32:00 PM It's real, Ilene...and it does help to see the words written. Thank you for the encouragement you so kindly give me.

Tim Smith Date: 8/9/2017 2:31:00 PM He definitely needs help...you portrayed the scene wonderfully Lin Login to Reply Lin Lane Date: 8/9/2017 8:29:00 PM He does, Tim, and the last I heard he'd still refused to get it. Thanks for reading and commenting.

Anna Hopper Date: 8/9/2017 1:03:00 PM This is a beautiful and tragic story. Great pen! Login to Reply Lin Lane Date: 8/9/2017 8:27:00 PM Thank you, Anna.

Jan Allison Date: 8/9/2017 1:01:00 PM oh Gee Lin I'm in tears here reading they sad story of your husband's addiction and the way he tried to cover it up and then wouldn't seek help he needed but I know addicts are in denial. I realise how hard it must be to walk away but at the end the only love he had was for the bottle and not your marriage. Such a sad tale that I hear all too often with various types of addiction. fabulous write for the contest :-) good luck:-0 hugs jan xx Login to Reply Lin Lane Date: 8/9/2017 8:27:00 PM First, he had to love himself in order to love others. He didn't. Then he turned away from God. Memories remain, but I'm fine. Thanks for the support, Jan.

Heidi Sands Date: 8/9/2017 1:00:00 PM This is heartbreaking Lin. A very well expressed poem that shows the pain of this situation clearly! Take care. Login to Reply Lin Lane Date: 8/9/2017 8:25:00 PM Thanks a lot, Heidi.