I became the Bard, because I was outside of myself

I have stared death in the face with its huge gaping jaws most of my life i have evaded those paws My families crazy made up scheme of overdramatizing my diagnosis made my life a paralysing psychosis I freed myself from that drek by compartmentalizing me but it meant I never really could connect how I felt about anything I also really had to relax to remember history because you see I remember everything , the stories, the words, the complete scene you see My life is a movie that plays in my head It rolls out when I let it in complete detail instead and its vivid and in color with all the emotion of the time and many of the scenes were not the sublime I lived through treachery and hate, and physical abuse and psychological torture by those of who I was of use so I buried how I felt to survive all that pain and ignored it all to not become insane Sixteen years ago, I had an epiphany I was not sick with a fatal disease the diagnosis was freed and I examined my mothers treatment of me as a consequence with horror I realized what had happened instead All of that I had buried and survived was abuse the trappings of mental illness of a parent in my youth and it affected everything about me, my ability to be right down to my expression and depth of feeling you see I freed myself, I did, it took years of therapy and I am in EMDR now to get rid of the last bits It's been effective because as you see I can now create and I am using the experience to share my story of late I became the Bard, because I was outside of my life a casual observer to all of the strife I could not feel anything in real time you see and that pair bonding thing was a big mystery. And you can relate... And I am now a poet, lyricist and soon to be author. (C) Artimus - Susan Manley 4:35 PM 8-4-2024