I Am Truly Afraid of Not Living
The weight of every exhausted metaphor sleeps underneath my eyes.
It’s the only thing that does nowadays.
I don’t hold anything in the chaos of my hands.
None of this makes sense.
But,
My brain is the crushing gift of God.
Sometimes it is a blessing
But,
Most days I am leaking juniper berries
Between pages of a book.
I stain everything red.
I have lost the words to describe how my days feel like frosted windows.
Nothing is ever clear.
But I keep looking through them in the hope that I will see
Something.
I will See anything.
I am in the edge of nothing
One step in either direction
With the fear of falling.
On step and my hands will
Once again
Paint but create nothing
My greatest fear is that I live an empty book
With pages that were written by someone else
With words that are merely casts of they should be
I am truly afraid of not living
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