I Am Shadow

I want to burst, boom and die, I always imagine myself in a scenario where I accidentally die. I imagine god too angry to care so he roast me with lightning instead. I imagine drunkards fighting and I just happen to be stabbed accidentally. I see myself missing a step and then fall to my death. I see myself taking a knife slitting my throat. I think to myself that if only I could just reap out this soreful heart Either way I always imagine my heart to be circled by dark smoke, That turns my blood black . then it travels through my veins spreading the, Black disease. When others pray for their hearts to be healed, I’ ll be hoping , For a heart attack. My black heart turns me into a dark shadow, Unpleasant to be at present with. I’m a lethal disease, too contagious, don’t befriend me. I quarantine myself into a corner, wanting no attachments beacause I might just pass the sickness to you. I ask god to kill my body and soul because I want to unexist. Im like a zero to an equation You sum me up ,I add no value, subtract me, you’ve taken nothing. multiply me , I become nothing, divide by me , that’s undefinable. Im too much of a coward to be anything, that’s why I only imagine my death Im too scared to do it myself, just like im very afraid of living. So what does that make me? im afraid of death and afraid of life That makes me a shadow, just a dark spirit which wasn’t supposed to live.