I Am Not An Addict
Spinning, and spinning, I am spiraling down, my feet have envy for the hard, solid ground. I cannot differentiate the earth from the sky. I cannot tell what I feel, if I laugh, or if I cry. Do my eyes lack such focus they've no more ability to see? Perhaps it's not that I need the drugs, perhaps the drugs need me. I do so miss the innocence, the days of remembering "when". I miss the beauty I could once see within my fellow man. I find I'm wishing for the time when I was most free. I feel such longing for the days I felt beauty inside me. Now I'm cast in shadow, in a world I don't belong. A lonely note in a chaotic score, off key in an empty song. And here in darkness, I'm struggling to spark a tiny flame. Over and over, it flickers out, unable to sustain. I AM NOT AN ADDICT, I have not lost my way. I AM NOT AN ADDICT, inside me still burns a blaze. I AM NOT AN ADDICT, I refuse to wear this brand. I AM NOT AN ADDICT, sifting through the sand. My screams they are exploding from a voiceless lung. Can no one hear the music? In silence are my songs sung? The stairway I've been climbing has begun now to decay. Can't go back, can't go on, I swear I'll find a way. There has to be some reason, somewhere within these rhymes. There must be some kind of connection, a way to join these lines. I AM NOT AN ADDICT, there must be so much more. I AM NOT AN ADDICT, I swear I'll reach the shore. Once upon a lifetime ago, in the beauty of my youth, within my innocent wonder, I knew a different truth. A time in which I dared to dream, once when I believed I would be a force so great..."When I grow up, I'll be...". I AM NOT AN ADDICT, this life's become so hard. I AM NOT AN ADDICT, with shame, I bear these scars. I AM NOT AN ADDICT, I will not fade to black. I AM NOT AN ADDICT, my soul remains in tact. This road, so rocky and uneven, so treacherous and steep. I'm tripping and I stumble, it's hard to find my feet. I try to recall a time in my life when my path was smooth. For maybe, I went wandering off, and slipped into this groove. I do not ever remember having an easy go. It's always been a beaten path, my row's been hard to hoe. Regretfully, on my journey, a part of me gave in, and in my efforts to numb the pain, I almost let it win. I AM NOT AN ADDICT, I will force my will along. I AM NOT AN ADDICT, I've been coping with this all wrong. I AM NOT AN ADDICT, I have to again believe. I AM NOT AN ADDICT...no I am not...I am me.
Copyright © Christina Peters | Year Posted 2019
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