I Am Lost I Know I Am
I’ve often wondered, what it’s really like, to be lost
I mean I’ve been lost before; in fact, I’ve been lost, many times, at many levels
I’ve been lost, in my ways; lost in the light of my emotions, lost in love
I’ve been lost in my thoughts more times that I can remember
I’ve been lost inside my dreams as if those dreams are my permanent residence
And I’ve also been trapped in nightmares, more than I can dream up a dream
But those are a different kind of lost, there’s no definitive feel that gives them life
I mean, yeah! You can lose your ways but life has a way of fixing that, it’s a natural law
Lost in dreams and nightmare, you could always wake up to snapped you back to reality
It was said that an open mind can tame the widest beast and love heals through time
They are not real lost, the lost, I’m really trying to get to, is the sudden loss of everything-in everything
Like, when, as if time literally stopped and all the sudden you’ve lost your self-preservation
I’ve been wondering more so now than ever because yesterday, time literally did stopped for me
And everything that I thought I knew about life, adopted a whole different meaning, my now is not now anymore
I’m rumbling on and on, I know, I’m trying not to, forgive me, it’s a new territory for me
But based from my newbie-experience, to be really lost isn’t exactly what I thought it would be
It cannot be explained even if I try… all I can say is, there is a lot of thinking going on, a lot of searching
And accepting that the mind has a mind of its own too and to wonder everywhere, seems to be the just cause
To be lost, I always thought I would be inside some kind of darkness somewhere like in a cocoon
And I would just be waiting for the light to come in, while I burn from an invisible sensation of the internal fire
It’s complicated… to put it mildly it is as thorny as love is easy and simplistically normal, I know it doesn’t make sense
I’ve been asking and telling myself the same thing over and over, I mean I should be asleep right now
But here I am, trying to put together some kind of logic to these somewhat insensible thoughts
It’s a reality check for a dreamer… life is not a dream, life is simply what it is, there is no punchline
I am lost, I know I am, but somehow, in some way, I also know that I will be fine
I would just have to embrace my loss and start from the beginning but one thing for certain
I feel somewhat fearless at this moment because I know in my heart’s heart, I have something, I didn’t have before
I now have a special angel, guarding me from heaven, who loves me beyond breathe and beyond reason
So you see, now, I don’t mind being lost and if this new life ahead is going to be my darkness, all I can see is her light
I’ve always joke around with her saying that while I am her son, she, on the other hand is me sun, shining on me
Copyright © Wilbert Dela Cruz | Year Posted 2015
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