I am Hilarious Tonight

I was not always this clever, this funny, this incredibly smart But it is two a.m. somewhere, and I am hilarious; it is my art. Weirdly, I was not in any way exciting before I got to this bar. But now I am unbelievably witty, ask my buddy, his name is Gar. Aren’t I witty, Gar? Aren’t I pretty? Aren’t I fabulously humorous tonight? He thinks so, believe me, though he cannot sit upright. I am getting younger every second, my face is clearing up too. Hilarity is my middle name; now where is my stupid shoe? But wait, honey, aren’t I funny? The bartender is closing down the bar. Whiskey is improving my looks. Now where’s my stupid car?