I Am a Food Connoisseur

Warm buttery flakey croissants with almond filling, Homemade sugar-laden donuts, hot out of the frying vat, German chocolate cake with loads of scrumptious sweet coconut, Sweetened graham cracker crust key lime pie with a sprig garnish, Peanut butter cookies, oozing with chocolate morsels, Grandma’s sugar mints, in pinks and greens, pretty enough for a wedding, Delicious apple cobbler, crisscrossed with cinnamon and sugar crust, I salivate my feelings toward these favorite foods. You may keep your vegetables and your fruits, your seafood and your chicken. The only vegetable I want is mashed potatoes, and please do not ruin it with garlic. Instead, stir it into a giant vat of butter, so much you have to re-heat it. Your beef can wander down by the barn and sit on a stump for all I care. Unless I am in the mood to make my famous meatloaf with the diabetic-coma-brown-sugar topping. It will knock me out in seconds, and I am re-thinking the vegetables. I would like a big cob of Iowa sweet corn that has been bathing in butter for a week. With so much salt and pepper, most people would turn their noses up. I am a food connoisseur; can you tell?